April 18, 2011

Had a dream last night that I was some sort of awesome, golfing-babe, foreign 007-femme-fatale type. And Jason Statham was another country’s competing 007-type, but he thought I was shexy, and I thought he was shexy, and we did all kinds of shexy 007-type courting things like knife throwing competitions. In a Price Chopper super market.

This is my brain. Welcome to it.

XOXO

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Stone Foxes Stone Cold Killers Dream Big Small Tadpole WTF.

More Random Dream Posts.

Then there was the one I had last week about Johnny Depp and I and some sort of sailing ship we were on sinking and then being stranded in a restaurant maze ruled over by some tyrannical despot, and having to escape him by running to a school bus and realizing that we had traveled FORWARD in time on the ship and really were the kids on the school bus and had to run into them (Harry Potter and Platform 9 3/4th style,) to meld our beings with them and therefore be safe from said tyrannical despot.

And what I remember most vividly was that Johnny didn’t want to meld with Young Johnny because he was afraid he’d forget who I really was and lose me.

…It was hella sweet, but I’m going to say something with is going to make the Tumblrsphere erupt in howls from the women— but I really don’t find him that sexually attractive. Pirates ruined him for me and I really feel like any man who looks prettier in eyeliner than I do really shouldn’t be trusted to be an excellent lover.

XOXO

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Dream Big Small Tadpole Stone Foxes WTF.

April 20, 2011

OH. MY. GOD. If two members of the same sex could have babies, this would be partly my insanely bastardized child. …May be a lil’ bit drunk. Yay theis done! …This photo is still creepy though. However, I still love Leelee. Joan od Arc RULES. XOXO

OH. MY. GOD.

If two members of the same sex could have babies, this would be partly my insanely bastardized child.

…May be a lil’ bit drunk.

Yay theis done!

…This photo is still creepy though.

However, I still love Leelee.

Joan od Arc RULES.

XOXO

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Drink Drank Drunk Thesis WTF. Random Facts

May 22, 2011

I’m having a sneaking suspicion the S.O has been looking at flights to take me for a trip for my birthday. To Europe. What the FUCK am I supposed to do for HIS birthday, then?!

XOXO

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Couples Relationships The S.O Birthday Traveling WTF.

June 1, 2011

I turn 22 in 9 days.

When the fresh hell did this happen.

XOXO

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Life Birthday Growing Up WTF.

June 5, 2011

Why do I feel like I am suddenly not running my own life anymore?

XOXO

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Life Sneaking Suspicions WTF.

June 9, 2011

One of the perks of being a contortionist is the fact that I can, indeed, lick my elbow. The other perk is that unlike most people, I can reach every inch of my back if it itches.

However, I am ruthlessly lazy by nature.

This ends up in me asking other people to scratch my back for me when the moment is both itchy and convenient. As I was giving the S.O verbal directions to the particular square centimeter of my left shoulder-blade that bugging me, I legit uttered, “To the left. To the left.

…Everything you own in a box to the left.”

Who am I. Besides Beyonce and up before 10 AM on an unemployed weekday.

XOXO

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Who Really Does That Anyway? wtf. Life Crazy Bitch Morning

June 11, 2011

 ‎…I have found someone who makes my relationship with my little douchebag of an Italian cat look completely normal and healthy.

Thank you for that.

XOXO

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Cats Nicco Hilarious wtf.

June 30, 2011

I just accidentally got locked in the S.O’s garage while taking the cat litter out and pounded on the door for about 10 minutes before he heard me over the TV and came investigating and found me.

Let’s see…Got locked out. While handling shit. And had to wait for someone to hear me. Because I couldn’t get myself out of my own mess. Obviously, the life lesson I learned from this was that if you have to handle cat shit, life gives you more shit.

Let’s have this be just a little more symbolic of today.

XOXO

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Life WTF. Oops What Is The Sssssymbolism? Shitty

July 3, 2011

backwardsiris: If I could go back & redo my wedding, it would definitely be a big fat gyspy wedding… and my colors would be hot pink & fuschia. Stay classy, gypsies! nerdypanda: Guys, it is imperative that we talk about this show. But not just because it is actually fascinating (and it is, whole heartedly so)- but because it is also “Jersey Shore” fascinating. I mean just look at those dresses! They are ten times more ludicrous than most things Snookie might wear. And these aren’t even the ones that have lights in them! That’s right some 17 yr old bride walked down the aisle (well, barely) in a giant, massive light up pink wedding dress complete with diamond encrusted tiara perched atop her head. But that is nothing (NOTHING) compared to the couple WHO HAD AN OWL AS THE RING BEARER. Let me repeat that because I don’t think you quite grasp the epic shit that is going on here- AN OWL WAS THEIR MOTHERFUCKING RING BEARER. I mean I don’t know what more there is to say, other then watch this show. Watch it now. Watch it long. Watch it hard. Because it might literally be the best thing ever.  This show makes me feel SOOOOO much better about my life decisions. However— while these girls may not have a college diploma, they all somehow have mysteriously better hair and can drop it like it’s hawwwwwt. Hmmmm. XOXO

backwardsiris:

If I could go back & redo my wedding, it would definitely be a big fat gyspy wedding… and my colors would be hot pink & fuschia. Stay classy, gypsies!

nerdypanda:

Guys, it is imperative that we talk about this show. But not just because it is actually fascinating (and it is, whole heartedly so)- but because it is also “Jersey Shore” fascinating. I mean just look at those dresses! They are ten times more ludicrous than most things Snookie might wear. And these aren’t even the ones that have lights in them! That’s right some 17 yr old bride walked down the aisle (well, barely) in a giant, massive light up pink wedding dress complete with diamond encrusted tiara perched atop her head. But that is nothing (NOTHING) compared to the couple WHO HAD AN OWL AS THE RING BEARER. Let me repeat that because I don’t think you quite grasp the epic shit that is going on here- AN OWL WAS THEIR MOTHERFUCKING RING BEARER. I mean I don’t know what more there is to say, other then watch this show. Watch it now. Watch it long. Watch it hard. Because it might literally be the best thing ever. 

This show makes me feel SOOOOO much better about my life decisions. However— while these girls may not have a college diploma, they all somehow have mysteriously better hair and can drop it like it’s hawwwwwt. Hmmmm.

XOXO

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TV wtf. Awesome Hilarious Dancing Wedding Fashion

Childhood fashion plate. …I am obviously scared by what I have on me. XOXO

Childhood fashion plate.

…I am obviously scared by what I have on me.

XOXO

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La Mia Faccia Childhood Fashion wtf. Babies New Jerz Ghet-to

July 10, 2011

 

July 8th—

I am smelling imaginary Indian food EVERYWHERE today.

God, it’s making me so hungry.

XOXO

#Life #Food #Hungry Hungry Hippo #Random Musings

Oh no oh no oh no.

XOXO

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Life Uh-Ohhh Food Random Musings wtf.

July 13, 2011

‎”Contact” and “con tact” are two completely different things, and yet, I think my misspelling was more appropriate, given the situation and context in which it was used. Happy accidents.

XOXO

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Life Ugh wtf. Words

July 15, 2011

When you see an absolute heifer going in to get her wedding gown altered:

What the HELL am I doing wrong?

Or, rather, what the hell am I doing RIGHT?!

XOXO

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Life Wedding wtf. Vermont Is Full Of Cows

July 29, 2011

Jesus Christ, apparently Brangelina had MORE BABIES?! (I missed that memo, long ago. And here I’ve been thinking they gazed upon the terrifying toddler beauty that was Shiloh and said, “Yup, we did it. Perfection achieved. We can stop, now.”)

GET THESE BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE SOME CONTRACEPTIVES.

XOXO

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Pop-Culture Gossip Babies WTF.

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