I should admit that I have snooped on boyfriends in the past. (I have never snooped on MM and I never will.) I should also admit that during my spy sessions I have come across information that I was not ready to find. Which is why I now tell people “don’t ask the question if you don’t want to know the answer, or if you’re not prepared for what the answer may be.” You see, I had suspected Golden Shower Boyfriend of being less than faithful, and one day while he was in the shower I went through his phone. I found nothing. My craziness was overwhelming and going through his phone became a ritual. But snooping and finding nothing did nothing to curb my new obsession. I knew that at some point I would find something. However, I wasn’t relieved when I didn’t find anything. Instead of relief, I found myself becoming more caught up in catching GSB doing whatever it was that I thought he was doing. I found myself questioning his every word, his every action. I found myself never quite believing anything he told me. Yet I had no proof. And, just like the author of the post, what would I have done with proof? Would I have confronted him? If I had then I’d be admitting that I’d gone through his phone. And that is a big no-no. What is a girl to do?
Then one day, I found what I guess I’d been looking for. A picture. A picture of a girl’s vagina. Not my vagina. Somebody else’s vagina. My first reaction was “gross.” My second reaction was “what the fuck?!” I closed his phone and busied myself by getting ready for the evening’s festivities. That night, we both got drunk, although I was much more intoxicated than he and I blurted out what I’d found on his phone. Of course, he was upset that I’d gone through his phone. Of course, I yelled at him that I wouldn’t have to go through his phone if “whores weren’t sending you pictures of their roast beef curtains. God, her pussy isn’t even NICE!” I’m not sure why we stayed together, given his obvious infidelity and my obvious lack of trust. I was dumb in those days. I ended up ending things with him a few weeks later. Best decision I made during our entire relationship.
Since that time I have resisted the urge to go through a boy’s phone. And since MM and I have been together I haven’t even had the urge to go through his phone. Truth is, I choose to trust him. I trust that he won’t cheat on me. I trust that he won’t do anything that could be viewed as controversial. I trust that if for some reason I ever had that feeling that something wasn’t right, I would ask him and know that his response would be honest. And if I felt it wasn’t honest, well then, I’d tell him just that. I wouldn’t snoop through his phone. I wouldn’t ask to see his phone. I’d ask him to tell me the truth and then we’d go from there. And I’m sure he would do the same for me.
I have friends who continuously go through their boyfriend’s phones and I continuously tell them I don’t think their actions are wise. If you’re going through his phone then you don’t trust him, and if you don’t trust him then why are you in a relationship with him? Stop looking for something because one day you might just find what you’re looking for….and what then?
I have never heard such a thing in all my life. I am equal parts shocked, horrified, and amused. But, other than that, I support this post 110%, as I too in the past discovered that snooping never, in fact, alleviates your relationship stress, but rather, just increases it, and ends abysmally. After I read this for the first time, I turned to the S.O and said, “And just so you know, I will NEVER go through your phone or your emails or your personal files.” Burned once; lesson LEARNED. Now if only our public school educations were as effective, I might actually remember my 12-times-tables.
We tend to obsess over the people we love and the people we hate. If you hate someone you’ll vent to other people how much you hate them and why you hate them. Not to mention you’ll stalk them via the web.
I’m guilty of this. There are a few people I cannot stand, have no desire of ever…
Follow the jump link in the title. This is so true. It is also very ironic that Tumblr was the one to bring it to attention.