The Oddest Thing She's Ever Said

A few thoughts I had last night while laying in the dark, sucking on a candy cane, listening to “Electric Feel” on repeat, and masturbating:

1.) I don’t understand how anyone has a full-time job AND a functional relationship,

2.) Every happily-employed, successful adult I know in my field would probably tell me they had to toil away at first in their youth, too,

3.) I am surprisingly into S&M after I’ve been smoking,

4.) The Dude and I started dating in THE MOST strange way,

5.) Maybe I could pitch it as a sitcom like Raising Hope?,

6.) Oh my god, my horrible dating history could have led me to my career destiny. Hmmm…

7.) …Wow, The Dude’s physicality hits me just like a punch to the gut; it’s like magnets and Christmas trees when we kiss.

8.) Lookit all the pritty stars.

9.) Spaceships are cool.

—-

…Proof that women can multitask while orgasming. And this is why you should say no to drugs, kids, say no to drugs.

XOXO

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Six— Or Two— Degrees Of Separation.

I’ve been having the oddest dreams lately in which an ex of mine will invite me to do something with his family AND his new girlfriend— like deep-sea fishing from a houseboat— and while we’re all together, something will happen in the family dynamics that will force me to explain, very bluntly an publicly, to the stranger— in this example, the fishing guide— that I am the ex-girlfriend, which the current girlfriend was not aware of.

So. Awkward.

…I am hoping that this is not a sign that life will imitate dreams anytime soon.

XOXO

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