The Oddest Thing She's Ever Said

This Is Just To Say…

Last night, after taking my second 50 milligram dose of Zoloft, I promptly ceased to retrieve messages fired from my neurons and washed it down with two glasses of a very tasty Malbec (…red wine, for those of you not obsessed with all things vino), which I will NEVER do again (or, at least, not until I really, really, RULLY want a $5 house margarita at Miguel’s), because, suffice it to say, I ended up brushing my teeth while leaning at a 45-degree angle between the bathroom door and wall and then passed out mid-scene while Buffy and Angel were cuddling in bed in Angel: Season One while spooning my cat and WHO REALLY DOES THAT. Anyway, I learned my lesson re: anti-depressants and depressants and that’s what really matters. That, and the fact that after receiving “Giant shark vs. mega octopus?” as a response to my 12:30 AM “I’m a dumbass who mixed drugs and drinking and I may not be alive in the morning due to the fact that my heart currently feels like a epileptic trying to dance to dubstep and isn’t it always said that heart attack signs are so much harder to diagnose and tend to go unnoticed in women? so I just wanted to let you know ‘cause I thought you might care” text to TGIS, he texted me back again this morning while I was (alive) (un-heart attacked) (sober) at work, just to see how I was feeling (and concernedly chastise/advise me about my medicating and self-medicating actions in the future like I was sitting in a high school chem class while he pointed to a pie chart labeled “Bad Life Decisions You Have Made Broken Down Into Things That Contain Chemical Symbols”, but that is an after-thought besides the point and sir, you need not worry. Lesson LEARNED.)

…Or possibly maybe just to see if I were still alive or if he is now a free agent. Men. But that’s the point…Men.

There. I’m sorry. I had to. Sometimes, men are the best. And in my honest opinion, he is the best of the best.

XOXO

(Amazing how easy seemingly insignificant little things can be, yet still make a woman sing a guy’s praises, isn’t it? Please note, dog-ear, and favorite this notion for future use, you of the Y chromosomes.)

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- Excerpt from SATCG

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I cooked a full, real meal for TGIS and me last night. My “bitchin” risotto, peas with bacon pieces, and chicken breasts stuffed with bacon, sauteed onions, and sharp cheddar cheese.

There was a moment in the planning of said meal when I realized I was thinking frantically over and over “A main course, a side, and a veggie! I need a veggie! IT NEEDS TO HAVE TWO SIDES!” And in that moment I realized I am turning into my mother.

XOXO

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Things Not To Say To The Guy You’re Seeing:

“Three days together is too much.”

Yes, I fuck things up like it’s my professional job.

XOXO

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I just finished 4 solid days with TGIS. 

The final casualty toll is 3 home-cooked meals, 2 days cleaning the room before he got home from work, 1 hole in the wall, 3 fights, countless “I’m sorry”s, lots of smoking, 3 nights of great sleep, a “You’re so nice to me” and a “You are fantastic” a piece, and 1 invitation out to dinner with him and his dad. Tumultuous and passionate, oh my.

If we made it through that, I’m convinced we’re pretty golden.

XOXO

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Fine, don’t respond to a single tyext I’ve sent you all week.

RIPSHIT.

XOXO

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Texting TGIS LIVID Drink Drank Drunk

You know those moments in life when you’re on Facebook and a wall-to-wall convo or frequently commented-on thread pops up in your “Top News” feed, and you read it, and realize that somebody DEFINITELY woke up on the wrong side of the bed today, or didn’t eat their Special K (and yes, by that, I DO in fact mean ketamine), or is just really having a Bad Day and the World Is NOT Understanding Their Pain And Further Pissing Them Off? (True Confessions: I have a lot of these days.) 

…Yeah, I will not be contacting TGIS first today.

XOXO

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Adderall + Zoloft…good idea, or not? I would ask the two people I know who could be bound to tell me, but alas, one is my ex, and the other is TGIS, and we’re apparently not talking. 

So, Tumblr community, Adderall + Zoloft. Good moves, or not?

XOXO

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I Can Take A Sign.

I went to put my hair up in a bun, reached behind my head to grab the elastics on my wrist, accidentally grabbed the wristband from MGMT that TGIS put on me, and ripped it off, instead.

I am currently staring at it on my comforter, trying to decide what to do and/or how to feel.

XOXO

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Jailbait: The Saga Continues.

So I realize how ridiculous it is getting pissed about TGIS’s Jailbait when my own Jailbait just came back into the WC for more “help.”

Like goddamn, if he ain’t cute, but when you don’t know how to pronounce Kurt Vonnegut’s name properly and don’t get my references to early ’90s childhood programming because YOU AREN’T OLD ENOUGH TO REMEMBER “GARGOYLES”, we gonna have promblemmms, boiiiii.

…Also, I have a very strict, “look, appreciate, but don’t touch,” policy with younger men. (Learned my lesson. Awhile ago.) And my Jailbait is coming in to chat with me about drugs and Rhetoric essays and to touch the pleather leggings, not to smoke me up, take photos of me, talk endlessly online, and god knows what else.

So yeah. I guess this is one of those totally illogical breaches between men and women in relationships, and what is right, and what is wrong. So sue me.

XOXO

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The part of the whole “distancing/ignoring” thing about the end of my last relationship that still gets to me and pisses me off every time I think about it?

It’s not the fact that after seeing each other for 5 months, it’s apparently this easy for him to just drop it. It’s not the fact he stayed with me for four days right before the fact. It’s not that we slept together for three nights in a row, and I DISTINCTLY remember him pulling me over toward him after I fell asleep to lay my head on his lap and cuddle into him as he stayed up to watch more TV. It’s not the fact that he made me so. damn. happy. It’s the fact I cooked for him for three nights and he told me he’d use his newly-learned cooking skills to repay the favor right before he dropped off the face of my world.

I COOKED RISOTTO AND BACON, ONION, AND CHEDDAR STUFFED CHICKEN BREASTS FOR YOU, ASSHOLE. YOU JUST DON’T PEACE OUT ON A WOMAN AFTER THAT.

I mean, REALLY.

XOXO

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I miss TGIS’s boys. They were just the right amounts snarky, hilarious, and genuine to make hanging out with them a blast.

I wish there was some sort of visitation rights in regular break-ups.

XOXO

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I heard “Changing” by the Airborne Toxic Event for the first time today and promptly almost threw up over the lyrics.

“Didn’t I ask for a place I could stay; what were we both thinking? The next part just got in the way. You were just always talking about changing. What if I was the same then, the same I always was? Days pass and turn into weeks, when we don’t even speak. We just lay wide awake and pretend we’re asleep. You go home alone and you’re checking your phone and you’re looking at me like I’m something you own. All these buckets of rain, you can’t forget about it, you say I never tried. I am a gentleman, didn’t I answer every time that you call, pick you up when you fall? But you never listen at all. You were just always talking about changing. Guess what, I am the same man.”

UGH. HELLO, STORY OF EVERY RELATIONSHIP I’VE EVER HAD IN MY LIFE.

XOXO

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