January 25, 2011

Welcome To My Life.

embraceyourimperfections: When Mariska Hargitay/Olivia Benson or Law and Order: SVU is brought up in an everyday normal conversation:

You:

If they’re talking about Mariska/Olivia:

Or If they’re talking about SVU:

Everyone looks at you like:

While I’m stuck at home in bed thrashing around in discomfort with a raging infection and a fever that just won’t seem to break, SVU has been my godsend. That may be all I did yesterday after work. And that may be all I do today.

XOXO

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Law and Order: SVU Sick Life Feverish Love

Via I'm bad. I'm dangerous.

It’s me. The cat. And my illness. Three’s a crowd. XOXO

It’s me. The cat. And my illness.

Three’s a crowd.

XOXO

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Nicco Cat Life Sick Bed

May 16, 2011

She Makes You Better Than Anything You’ve Tried.

The S.O’s come down with a cold, and I’m starting to feel the same scratch in the back of my throat, so I just subjected the both of us to a steaming hot shower, and put him to bed with cough drops, San Pellegrino, and a kiss so I could stay up, come downstairs, and write for SATCG. 

This is the first time I’ve ever been in a relationship where we’ve both come down sick at the same time. Baby steps toward emotional progress.

XOXO

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Life The S.O Couples Relationships Sick SATCG

June 23, 2011

Girlfriend vs. Deathbed

The S.O has come down ill. And we all know how well I am equipped to deal with another lifeform’s decreased ability to function (read: not equipped at all). I can shove tea and cough drops at someone until they shove them back, but as for the rest of this whole “caregiving” thing, unless it needs a diaper changed or help tying its shoes, I’m pretty new to this.

Making matters better (worse, actually), I’m leaving town in the AM.

Am distraught at the thought of leaving the S.O on his own while sick. Because as we all know, had cavemen been left on their own devices in said caves, homo sapiens would never have made it out of the Stone Age.

So, I did what every 21st century girl does when she is faced with a question of what to do and has no idea what the right answer is: I pulled a WWCD? What Would Carrie Do? Well, if I remember correctly from “The Domino Effect,” (Season 5?) Carrie played nursemaid to Big when he had his post-op fever. Cha-ching!

As I sat on the edge of the bed, mopping his brow with a cold compress, he looked up at me and suddenly, irrevocably, I felt the need to divulge the exact thought that had been crossing my mind— always an odd place to catch a peek inside of; this case not being any different— at the moment:

“I feel like we’re back in the 1940s and I’m a young nurse in England tending to you after you were shot down by the enemy and came down with dysentery or cholera or something.”

DYSENTERY. How sexy.

…NAWWWWWWT. I think he’ll be just fine without me here, sharing my “I Watched Too Many Period Dramas In My Early Developmental Years” fantasies.

XOXO

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The S.O Sick WWCD? Sex and the City Who Really Does That Anyway?! Open Mouth Insert Foot Girlfriend Moves

I TOLD YOU! SATC. Teaching me how to do things right since 1998. XOXO

I TOLD YOU!

SATC. Teaching me how to do things right since 1998.

XOXO

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Life Carrie Bradshaw Mr. Big SATC WWCD? Girlfriend Moves Sick

June 28, 2011

Thing thing I hate most about airplanes is that inevitably, you end up sick after being crammed into the cabin like cattle going to the slaughterhouse, recycled air and people of dubious health and all.

I woke up this morning with no voice.

The S.O rolls over, looks at me, cracks into a beatific grin, and says, “Wow, now you really are every man’s dream girl.”

Jesus.

XOXO

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Life Sick The S.O How To Be A Perfect Girlfriend Smart Ass Traveling

July 27, 2011

…I’d rather be having sex right now than be up at 5 AM worrying about bills and being nauseous.

Which seem to be unrelated, by the way.

XOXO

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Life Bills Bills Bills Sick Sex I'd Rather Be Naked

August 8, 2011

12 hour migraine.

Vicodin.

XOXO

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Life Sick Ugh Drugs

About an accurate representation of what I feel like at the mo’. XOXO

About an accurate representation of what I feel like at the mo’.

XOXO

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Life Sick Closet Nerd Shitty

August 9, 2011

Please excuse me while I go vomit/dry-heave some more.

The fact that I live in a split-level apartment and have to stagger back up the stairs after wasting all my energy down the toilet is infuriating.

I am counting down the days WITH FERVOR until I can go home and to my primary care physician and figure out what the fuck this nonsense is.

Why why why why why why why.

XOXO

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Life Sick Vomit ERR'YWHUR Ugh

August 10, 2011

6:45 in the morning. Sick.

10:00 in the morning. Not sick. 

Why can’t this at least happen when I WANT to be up/conscious?

XOXO

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Life Sick Ugh wtf.

August 26, 2011

When people ask me what type of cat Nicco is, I always end up telling them, “Well, he’s a Manolo.” Basically, when he was about 4 months old, my roommate and I shelled out a cool $600 to have a vet tell us that his vomiting binge (a spectacularly done attempt at bulimia for him, really,) was the result of our “free” barn kitten having a “particularly sensitive” digestive system— in other words, I could have bought a great pair of designer shoes, but instead got a cat who has acid reflux, and burps after every meal. This also makes travelling with him trying. After packing up my ENTIRE apartment today in under 2 hours, having my (wonderful, spectacular, certifiably INSANE for doing so much for me) friends stop by to help and say their goodbyes-for-now (let’s face it; I’m only an hour and a half away— I will be in Burlington a metric FUCK-TON), and sending my parents and a Uhaul filled with my furniture home ahead of me, I loaded the Civic, popped the cat in shotgun, and off I went. Tentatively. Worryingly. Slowly. I could make a list of the things that make Nicco nauseous that would rival Santa’s “Naughty” List, starting with Indian food and ending with grass, but instead, I’ll just cut to the chase and say that riding in a car is his #1 barf aggravation. He can’t be in a carrier, or he’ll get sick. (Last time when the S.O and I tried that, the cat lost it out both ends. There have been no repeats of that since.) He can’t be in the backseat, or he’ll get sick. He needs to have someone gently stroking his back with one hand at ALL TIMES WHILE THE VEHICLE IS IN MOTION, or he’ll get sick. Basically, toddlers and those annoying kids you grew up with who always said they had to sit in the passenger side instead of the backseat because they got carsick even though they were totally lying little bastards and full of bull GOT NUTHIN’ on my darling little kitty. So I nearly wept tears of joy and thanked every deity I could think of when he laid down and took a cat-nap, one paw still clutching onto the side of the seat for dear life. (See Figure 1.) So JUST after I fired off elated “look at how cute and un-bile-y he is!” text messages to all interested parties, OF COURSE the cat sat up, looked at me, made his patented turkey-gobble “I’m going to be sick” noise, and promptly lost his lunch all over my passenger side seat. I sighed. Pulled over. Cleaned it up. Pet him. Got back in the car. Continued with my day. Right up until the point when I got home, UNloaded everything from the Civic, including my now miraculously better cat, and watched as my parent’s 17 year old furry madam of a bowling ball on legs tossed her cookies, too. I looked at my mom, and stood up from the couch. “Don’t even bother,” I told her. “I just did this; I’ve got it.” Cats: Training grounds for children since 2000 B.C. XOXO

When people ask me what type of cat Nicco is, I always end up telling them, “Well, he’s a Manolo.” Basically, when he was about 4 months old, my roommate and I shelled out a cool $600 to have a vet tell us that his vomiting binge (a spectacularly done attempt at bulimia for him, really,) was the result of our “free” barn kitten having a “particularly sensitive” digestive system— in other words, I could have bought a great pair of designer shoes, but instead got a cat who has acid reflux, and burps after every meal.

This also makes travelling with him trying.

After packing up my ENTIRE apartment today in under 2 hours, having my (wonderful, spectacular, certifiably INSANE for doing so much for me) friends stop by to help and say their goodbyes-for-now (let’s face it; I’m only an hour and a half away— I will be in Burlington a metric FUCK-TON), and sending my parents and a Uhaul filled with my furniture home ahead of me, I loaded the Civic, popped the cat in shotgun, and off I went. Tentatively. Worryingly. Slowly.

I could make a list of the things that make Nicco nauseous that would rival Santa’s “Naughty” List, starting with Indian food and ending with grass, but instead, I’ll just cut to the chase and say that riding in a car is his #1 barf aggravation. He can’t be in a carrier, or he’ll get sick. (Last time when the S.O and I tried that, the cat lost it out both ends. There have been no repeats of that since.) He can’t be in the backseat, or he’ll get sick. He needs to have someone gently stroking his back with one hand at ALL TIMES WHILE THE VEHICLE IS IN MOTION, or he’ll get sick. Basically, toddlers and those annoying kids you grew up with who always said they had to sit in the passenger side instead of the backseat because they got carsick even though they were totally lying little bastards and full of bull GOT NUTHIN’ on my darling little kitty.

So I nearly wept tears of joy and thanked every deity I could think of when he laid down and took a cat-nap, one paw still clutching onto the side of the seat for dear life. (See Figure 1.)

So JUST after I fired off elated “look at how cute and un-bile-y he is!” text messages to all interested parties, OF COURSE the cat sat up, looked at me, made his patented turkey-gobble “I’m going to be sick” noise, and promptly lost his lunch all over my passenger side seat.

I sighed. Pulled over. Cleaned it up. Pet him. Got back in the car. Continued with my day.

Right up until the point when I got home, UNloaded everything from the Civic, including my now miraculously better cat, and watched as my parent’s 17 year old furry madam of a bowling ball on legs tossed her cookies, too.

I looked at my mom, and stood up from the couch. “Don’t even bother,” I told her. “I just did this; I’ve got it.”

Cats: Training grounds for children since 2000 B.C.

XOXO

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Cats Nicco Sick Kids Nanny Diaries Life

October 22, 2011

How many times have I thrown up today?

8.

4 times at work. 4 times after I was sent home and told not to return tomorrow if this continues.

I cannot be the only one who cries like a little bitch every time she vomits, and can feel the tears sliding down my cheeks as I retch has GOT to be the most disconcerting feeling ever.

I guess I could have used the “upcoming Halloween festivities” as an excuse and told my coworkers that my deathly gray, clammy skin, white lips, and smeared and running eye make-up was my idea of an undead sales girl costume.

XOXO

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Life Sick Ugh I Feel Like Shit Working Girl Crying Inside

No smoking tonight. No drinking tonight. No fun tonight.

XOXO

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Life Smoking Drink Drank Drunk Sick Fuck My Life

November 1, 2011

I’m just watching the footage of the devastation that happened in Cinque Terre a week ago. Vernazza has been leveled. One of the places I’ve been happiest in— decimated. The friends I made— fates unknown.

My heart feels sick.

This is beyond tears.

I want to be back there, helping clear the wreckage. They gave so much to me. I want to be able to give them back their livelihoods.

XOXO

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Italia Cinque Terre Vernazza Sick Sad Depression Disasters Devastating News Nature

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