April 22, 2011


I Give Great Message.

  • Me: Do you hear that sound?
  • ...That's the sound of the business plan deadline whooshing past.
  • It's not like I didn't touch it today...I opened it up, looked at the cover page for a good 5 minutes, thought, "Damn, that's a good cover page!" and then closed it again and went browsing through shelters in the Burlington area.
  • Obviously, my priorities are SO in order.
  • Him: Hahaha I wish I was as productive as you.
  • What do you mean by shelters?
  • Me: Well, I've reconciled myself to the fact that I will be homeless after I fail out of college before graduating from not passing in my business plan 10 minutes ago, so I'm looking at the homeless shelters and halfway houses in Burlington because I'm really particular about having south-facing bedroom windows, and god knows, those cots fill up fast.
  • ...I am completely shitting you. Animal shelters. For large dogs, preferably brindled, over 50 pounds, and male. Yes. I have a type.
  • XOXO
  • Le funny, non?

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Conversations Humor Sarcasm Men Procrastination Ever So Witty Flirting

December 11, 2011


Pillow Talk

  • He Said: "I think we should do a do-over first date sometime this week."
  • I Said, while rolling over to look at him: "Yeah, because the end of that date isn't totally clear. We finish drinks and then we go home together. What a surprise."
  • Sarcasm in the dark. Yet another service I offer.
  • XOXO

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Dating Makes Me Want To Die Twenty-Something Couples Date Night Hilarious Awkward Sarcasm Bed

December 19, 2011


Awww, I made a “Girls I’d Like To Fuck” Tumblr page.

How cute.

XOXO

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Hilarious Pretty Young Things Tumblr Whores Sarcasm

August 20, 2012


The most mature, productive, enlightening text I’ve ever sent:

"Long distance is hard and it sucks."

Ugh. Some cheese for my whine, please. And possibly a plane ticket.

XOXO

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Life Long Distance Things That Suck Ugh Complaining Texting Sarcasm