The Oddest Thing She's Ever Said

So, anyone want to ask me questions? Want advice? On writing? Relationships? Fashion? Want to know what I think about vegans or liquid eyeliner or my favorite work-out routine? Need a recipe or restaurant recommendation? C’mon, people— I’m at work and bored. Ask me (nearly) anything. It’s that little “Ask Me, Bitches” button under the title there.

…Not that I’m really calling you bitches or using derogatory names for women. Really. I swear.

XOXO

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Q&A Bored Random Musings

Don’t fucking troll other girl’s Facebook profiles while you’re laying in MY bed, in MY apartment, eating MY food, after I picked YOUR ass up.

OH. MY. GOD. This is getting ridiculous. Motions for me finally (wo)manning up and saying, “Hey, you’ve been bringing her up a lot lately. Is there anything I should know?”

Seriously people, I’m taking a poll here. I want your feedback. Do I stay “nice” and quiet and be the perfect jump-off, or do I actually pick a really random, non-confrontational time and just fucking say it, already?

God. So beside myself.

XOXO

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Relationships LIVID Other Women Facebook Q&A

Boys Are Made Of Snips And Snails And Porn And Gay Tales.

Relationships are often hard enough contending with other women; when a girl gets mind-fucked and finds out that men are included in the mix, it’s often enough to send anyone off her rocker. I remember finding an ex of mine on a gay website. He had been so manly, so masculine, so snide about homosexuals, so normal, so badly dressed, so straight. And now THIS. The love of musicals and ass-appreciation began to make more sense. I FRRRRREEEEAKED. First, about the deceit and wondering if he ever even found me attractive, and second, about the fact that now I knew that he had, or was looking to have, sex with other men I now REALLY needed to get tested for AIDS, considering I’d had unprotected sex with him. Long story short, I was healthy and clean, and it was better to find out post-relationship than during, but a friend brought an interesting, related question to me the other day that brought it all back up again: While snooping around, she uncovered a few random gay porn sites that her boyfriend had visited in the past. What if your (straight) boyfriend occasionally viewed gay porn while doing his internet porn thing?

Between the anonymous, impartial jury of myself, my Gender Comm. class, my best gay friend, and my straight best friend, we pieced this together:

1.) Sexuality is a flowing thing, and curiosity is natural.



This image is the Kinsey scale. It denotes the 6 main (seven, if you include being asexual, which I personally don’t count as being sexual AT ALL,) different kinds sexuality. I waver somewhere between 1 and 2, depending on my mood, and if I’m in a relationship (straight, only ever been straight,) or not. I say a 1 or a 2 because of a few facts: I’ve kissed some of my female friends while playing high school games of Spin the Bottle and not wanted to kill myself directly after; I always am aware of my Sexception List, or where in rank a list of famous women I find stunning and would possibly after a few bottles of shared tequila and in the right mood lighting I may attempt to sleep with if I was feeling my most self-confident of my life, or had taken a shit-ton of E beforehand, but nonetheless, I know the women I’d volunteer to be sexual with; I watch lesbian porn on occasion, of my own validation (see below for more). Does this 2 rating mean I’m constantly checking women out? Yes…but only to see what she’s wearing. Men are the only ones who I scope in a sexual nature. You could be the bro-y-est of the Bros and still find yourself rating as a 1 or a 2 because of the fact you can never keep your eyes to yourself in the men’s locker room, or that one time after winning the homecoming game got too drunk and tried to confess your feelings to your team’s tight end (pun intended)— “No man, I really, REALLY love you!” while in reality, your high school sweetheart Jennifer who followed you to college and still cheers is your Tru Luv 4eva and the only person you want to be with. You, sir— are you gay because you’re a 2? No, you silly boy, you’re straight— not a 4, 5, or 6.

2.) Do you and he have regular sex, does he initiate, and is it passionate? These are all good signs if you answered “yes,” to them, and he obviously finds you attractive. Bonus points? My gay friend pointed out that most secretly gay, closeted, or even man-leaning bisexual men have an EXTREMELY hard time enjoying giving a woman oral sex. (Hint: You can’t fake enthusiasm.) If he likes and is eager and willing to go down undah, congratulations, because at most, he’s bi or at least bi-curious. At best, he’s still your straight boyfriend.

3.) As my “extremely blessed in the size department of her lovers” best friend pointed out, penis envy is real. For some men, there’s just something about looking at a cock bigger than theirs that really just does something to them. Just like women can look at a really great rack in fascination, men can appreciate a nicer penis than theirs. We are an aesthetic society, after all.

4.) Porn is a fantasy land. What someone views in privacy is often very different than what they want in their own life. Some people have rape fantasies or watch simulated rape porn. Does this mean that they themselves want to ACTUALLY be raped? No, not at all.

5.) As my best gay friend said, “He could be intrigued, but may not act on penis desire.” In other words, viewing gay porn is the best and most healthy way for him to examine his own sexuality— maybe he’s not the sort of straight man who runs screaming at the sight of another man’s naked body, but he also probably isn’t looking for any backdoor love of his own from another man.

6.) Don’t point your finger— my first, knee-jerk reaction was “Whoa! Normal straight men are so turned off by gay porn! Your boyfriend could be gay!” but then I though about it, empathetically, from the female perspective. As I’ve stated before, I watch what is probably more than my fair share of porn. And occasionally, when everything else feels tired and old and nothing else seems to be doing it for me, I’ll turn to lesbian porn, and no, not exactly the soft-core stuff of heavy-petting, either. For porn viewers, once you’ve seen it, it feels like you’ve seen it all, and variety can be called for. Does this mean I am a lesbian? No. Does this mean I can find something sexual or attractive about other women? Yes; then again, some days, I am convinced our garbage can is a stunning piece of craftsmanship and damn fine. Does this mean I would ever have sex with another woman? No. Threesomes are even out of the question for me— I can barely handle my own vagina; I want nothing at all to do with another one. So, if a woman can watch lesbian porn, TO GET OFF, and not be a lesbian, than logic states that a man can watch gay porn, be turned on, and not even be gay at all. I have always thought, as well, even watching straight porn means a man is looking at another man’s penis being used sexually, in a sexual way, so one could argue that all bits and pieces are exactly that, bits and pieces, and a woman’s ass is just the same as a man’s ass. Bada-boom. Is your mind bent? Because this is my own thesis, and my mind still struggles to bend around it, sometimes.

7.) If you want to see how he responds, or what the draw for him is, suggest watching porn together that you BOTH agree on. Maybe getting into his fantasy land a little will help you understand his viewing habits more, or at least make you a little more comfortable by being present and included in them.

When it boils down to it, you have to remember that if you love someone, you love the whole of them, not just the parts that you agree with. Just like you may not break up with someone when you find out they vote Republican (then again, you might!), finding out that the person you’re seeing has some eclectic viewing pleasures shouldn’t be a deal-breaker if you love the rest of them as a person. (This can also go if you find out your S.O is into porn with foot fetishes or extreme anal or produce or latex or dinosaur porn, too.) If you can learn to accept it, and as long as it stays in the fantasy of the porn realm, there’s no reason to worry about you and your boyfriend macking on the same hot guys at the club. He loves you still. And no, he’s not “flaming gay.”

XOXO

NOTE! While I am in full defense of the fantasy of porn, if someone tries to move from viewing pleasure to being an active participant in anything from cams, chats, or full-on meetings and liaisons, that is a problem. In that case, there is probably more than a passing curiously or fascination at work, and this is something you REALLY want to address with him/her, for BOTH of your sexual safety. Also, the amount of porn someone watches is a health advisory as well— porn addiction is a real thing, and is just as painful and detrimental to a relationship as someone being secretly homosexual in what is a heterosexual relationship.

—-

- From SATCG

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Couples Gay Philosophy Porn Public Service Announcements Q&A Relationships SATCG Sexuality The Ex-Files Think About It

Help Me Graduate! Q&A Time!

So, my senior thesis revolves around the communication differences between men and woman on the topics of love, sex, and relationships, and if there’s any way to write for both sexes so that they’d be equally interested in the material.

That being said, if you could answer the following question— anonymously is fine— just including your gender, in the comments section, you’d be doing me a TREMENDOUS favor, and, also, adding onto what will end up being a pretty kick-ass, real-life expose post about men and women’s relationships: “What is your biggest pet-peeve in communicating (or in general,) with the opposite sex?”

Example: “That instead of listening to the entire situation I’m telling him when I want to vent, my boyfriend immediately focuses on how to ‘fix’ it, instead of just listening to me. I’m female.”

Thanks, loves!

XOXO

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Q&A Thesis College Men vs. Women Miss Communication

Adderall + Zoloft…good idea, or not? I would ask the two people I know who could be bound to tell me, but alas, one is my ex, and the other is TGIS, and we’re apparently not talking. 

So, Tumblr community, Adderall + Zoloft. Good moves, or not?

XOXO

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Drugs The Ex-Files TGIS Q&A College

Movie suggestions. GO!

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Movies Q&A

Dear Men of Tumblr, I Need Your Honest Opinions:

Well, let’s not be sexist: Women, too.

Quick poll time: Do I go down and help the S.O and his pseudo-step-brother move shit into the condo, or do I stay here, write my overdue Vermont Commons column, and let them have bonding time?

Do they even need bonding time? Will men use physical exertion as a chance to shoot the shit about their love lives, and thusly, should I stay out of it? Or do they think I’m lazy sitting up here and trying to get out of the heavy lifting?

Thanks in advance.

XOXO

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The S.O Couples Men vs. Women Vermont Commons Magazine Q&A Bonding

Poll Of The Day:

I’m doing laundry. Then it hits me— It would be RIDICULOUS for women to fold our teeny tiny little underwear, but boxers, well, boxers have a whole hell of a lot more fabric.

Do men fold their boxers?

XOXO 

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Life Men Q&A Underwear Are A Woman's Best Friend Manly Things

Sometimes I Need A Little Bit Of Hand-Holding

Ok, here we go— yet again another chance for me to prove to you how painfully yet wonderfully new everything about a serious, cohabitating relationship is to me: Mealtimes. How in the name of god do you coordinate two very different people’s shared meals together in the home?

Do you cook; does he cook; do you eat separately; who plans the meals, etc? While we grocery shop together, and our Top 5 Favorite Restaurants are the same, I‘m just not used to someone coming home and asking, “What should we do for dinner?” My general response to this question thus far through the years to family members, roommates, friends, and guys has been something along the lines of, ‘uhhhhh…..eat?’ Adding to the tricky little question, he’s a vegetarian, and very health- and consumer-conscious, while I have been known to consider eating a McDouble, fries, and small soda off the Dollar Menu at McDonald’s a STEAL, and have a bad habit of grazing through whatever is quick and easy in the cabinets of the kitchen instead of making a proper meal, so that when he gets home at 7 and is starved, I’m not hungry until 9.

While we always end up figuring SOMETHING out, it just takes a little longer than I’d (impatiently as always,) like it to. So far, Dominoes has saved our stomachs more than a few times, and I recently had the bright idea of going through our amassed cookbooks together to dog-ear recipes that we’d both like to try to create a bank of dinner ideas, but after that, I’m all tapped out!

So this is the part where I ask Tumblr, especially my older, wiser, and less relationship-challenged readers, to please leave me any tips, hints, or tricks that you’ve found while cohabitating and coexisting with a member of the opposite sex. Grazie mille!

XOXO

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Life Q&A Tips tricks & Secrets Relationships Couples Food

Ask Me…

1- Who I adore. 
2- What I hate most about myself.
3- What I love most about myself.
4- What I’m really good at.
5- What I’m really bad at.
6- Biggest turn ons.
7- Biggest turn offs.
8- What I want to be when I get older.
9- My idea of a perfect date.
10- A description of the person I like.
11- A description of the person I dislike the most.
12- What I hated the most about school.
13- How my last kiss when down.
14- Most embarrassing moment.
15- What my last text message says.
16- What words upset me the most.
17- What words make me feel the best about myself.
18- A description of my self-esteem.
19- A description of my best friend.
20- The reason behind my last break up.
21- My favourite songs right now.
22- A wish that I’ve wished for repeatedly on 11:11.
31- The meanest thing anyone has ever said to me.
32- The sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me.

I usually really hate these, as I feel like they’re a shameless way to pander for inbox messages, but I finally came across this one, which has interesting questions that I feel I could actually give interesting, valid answers back to. So, choose a number (or numbers,) that you’d like to have me answer the corresponding question to, and send them to me in a message. I’ll do my best to make it un-textbook Tumblr.

XOXO

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Life Q&A Ask Me