February 7, 2011


Girl Talk: The Parentals.

  • So, his mom apparently asked if he'd set her up with my Netflix account so she could watch a movie. I have NEVER met this woman-- I've seen her hands washing dishes over the kitchen sink from the driveway. Like, if she ever wanted to know anything about me or my viewing habits, she now knows SOMETHING about me-- I like National Geographic ancient Egyptian documentaries, cheap romances with a comedy bend, and watch a lot of food programming. Congratulations. Your son is dating someone who watches Ghost Adventures and The Science of Sex Appeal. Worry.
  • Madison: Yeah, it's a bit weird to think about it. And it's always weird to think about boys talking about you outside of your presence.
  • XOXO

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Girl Shit Madison Parents TV Movies

February 10, 2011


Sometimes I wonder if my parents look at me and think, “Oh my God, my child is a retard.”

livelifewithcolor:

illmakeyoulalalalalovesick:

Always

bahahahhahahahah :D

I’ve DEFINITELY thought this before.

XOXO

(Source: radical-phase)

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Parents Retarted and Yes That Was Purposeful Random Musings

Via Contain Yourself

August 3, 2011


What I’m going for as a response to ANY child that I know receiving a pony.
As it should be.
XOXO

What I’m going for as a response to ANY child that I know receiving a pony.

As it should be.

XOXO

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Hilarious Horses Kids Childhood Truth Parents

August 15, 2011


What a fantastic night celebrating my mom’s birthday with my parents and their friends. 

The things that I have learned about their life in Killington in the ’70s.

Let’s just say…I know too much for them to kick me out for anything short of a ‘shroom-and-PCP-fueled Bacchanalian orgy featuring the neighbor’s hogs and the flatlander’s under-age children down the road.

Good lord, my parents are cool.

XOXO

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Life Family Parents Friends Bad Habits Hilarious Party

August 30, 2011


fuckitdude:

screaming4more:

What children’s skulls look like as they prepare to lose their baby teeth

Oh wow

AHHHHHHHHHHHH TERRIFYING HALF-CHILD/HALF-SHARK LURKS IN EVERY PARENT’S HOUSEHOLD!
XOXO

fuckitdude:

screaming4more:

What children’s skulls look like as they prepare to lose their baby teeth

Oh wow

AHHHHHHHHHHHH TERRIFYING HALF-CHILD/HALF-SHARK LURKS IN EVERY PARENT’S HOUSEHOLD!

XOXO

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Bones Teeth Kids Parents Freaky Shit

September 1, 2011


Girl Talk: It’s A Psychic Mother/Daughter Thing.

"Mom, can you come upstairs with me for a minute?"

"Oh, Carissa, hold on— my eye candy’s on TV!"

"Oh, is it the Aussie with the great forearms and pecs?"

"That’s the one!"

How sad is it that without even seeing the TV screen, yelling back and forth from whole different sections of the house, I know which hunky gardener on PBS my mother is drooling over, because it’s the same guy I grew up drooling over, too?

And just add some fertilizer and water well, and you’ve got yourself a nice crop of Jamie Durie in your garden:

(For real. That is him, I swear to it.)

And I mean, who wouldn’t want that!

XOXO

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Life Parents Stone Foxes TV PBS Garden Hilarious Girl Shit Scary

September 9, 2011


Girl Talk: TMI-Too Mom Information.

  • (While snacking: ) No, I don't like almonds. I'm really picky about my nuts.
  • Mom: As you should be.
  • Five Minutes Later:
  • Mom: You should probably shower before me...I have to do my legs.
  • Oh, I did that last night...my whole body. I hadn't shaved anything in like, a month. It was like I had a grizzly bear between my legs.
  • Mom: Oh my god, how did you do that?
  • Well, I wasn't in a relationship, so it really wasn't like I needed to take the time it takes to shave!
  • I'd also like to make a note-- I'm Eastern European and Swedish, and a fine-haired blonde. I don't really...grow...body hair. For real. Normally, I only have to shave my legs every two weeks before you can even see it, anyway.
  • XOXO

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Girl Shit Mom Parents Family Hilarious Truth Dating Makes Me Want To Die

September 17, 2011


This is my mom, about 3 years older than I am now, during her trip to Venice with my dad to attend a what was then the world’s largest jewelry tradeshow/convention.
She was obviously a hottie with a great wardrobe.
I grew up seeing this photo on my mom’s dresser, and about a year ago, found a dress that INSTANTLY reminded me of this photo. I bought it, because wearing it made me feel like the way I think of my mom in this photo— young, hip, adventuring and exploring, and put-together.
All things I need to remind myself of, sometimes.
XOXO
Sooo, to follow it up, we have…

This is my mom, about 3 years older than I am now, during her trip to Venice with my dad to attend a what was then the world’s largest jewelry tradeshow/convention.

She was obviously a hottie with a great wardrobe.

I grew up seeing this photo on my mom’s dresser, and about a year ago, found a dress that INSTANTLY reminded me of this photo. I bought it, because wearing it made me feel like the way I think of my mom in this photo— young, hip, adventuring and exploring, and put-together.

All things I need to remind myself of, sometimes.

XOXO

Sooo, to follow it up, we have…

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Family Parents Mama Venezia White Dress Vintage Photography Memories

October 24, 2011


My parents are back from the Motherland, aka: New Jersey.

…They can go back, now, thanks.

This is why grown animals in nature don’t live with their parents; someone is going to die. And I’ll be damned if it’s me while I’m still young and strong and in the prime of my life.

XOXO

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Parents Life Family Twenty-Something Home Nature

November 5, 2011


My parents met when they were 15 and 23, married at 17 and 26, and have celebrated 39 anniversaries together. They are alternately hilarious and revolting, but today, while my mother called from Minnesota where she’s currently keeping my grandmother company post-op from the surgeries resulting after a bad fall, I asked her if she wanted to talk to my dad again.

"Do you want to talk to your husband again?" I asked her, and she said yes, so I held the phone up and called, "Dad, it’s your wife…your young bride…"

I heard her cackle in laughter over the line, and then my dad called from where he was coming down the stairs, “The woman of my dreams…”

Like I said…hilarious, and revolting. Because we all know it’s true. Ah, (not so young anymore) love.

XOXO

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Family Parents Love Couples Hilarious Adorable Disgustingly Cute

November 7, 2011


Here’s to managing to burn a hole in my esophagus— with chemicals— and yet still stay out of the hospital.

With my Sergeant “Suck It Up” Daddy playing nursemaid and bringing me back to life with his miso soup, I felt like I had no choice. We raise ‘em tuff out here.

XOXO 

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Life Sick Ouch Parents Suck It Up How Am I Still Alive.

November 14, 2011


My Mother:

  • "Well, I suppose I'll have to get over my crush on your ex if you're going to start dating again."
  • Gee, mom, I think it's time to move on.
  • XOXO

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Life Parents Hilarious The Ex-Files Dating Makes Me Want To Die Single Girls Yup

December 7, 2011


Adorable man? Check.
Adorable child? Check.
Tattoos? Check.
Casual reading material? Check.
When I was a pre-teen, I used to daydream about finding a young widower and child to create an insta-family with. May I now nominate these two, please?
XOXO

Adorable man? Check.

Adorable child? Check.

Tattoos? Check.

Casual reading material? Check.

When I was a pre-teen, I used to daydream about finding a young widower and child to create an insta-family with. May I now nominate these two, please?

XOXO

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Stone Foxes Tattoos Babies Adorable Awww Parents

December 16, 2011


Girl Talk: Uncommon Practices

  • Mom: "He told me that he used to have a coke problem."
  • (In shock): "Oh, wow, you guys talked more than I thought."
  • Mom: "Well, did you know about it?"
  • "Yeah, he told me. It wasn't really a big deal...third guy I've been with to have one. But it's in the past now, so whatever."
  • Mom: "Third?"
  • "Yeah."
  • Mom: "TGIS?"
  • (Laughing): "Oh god, no. Jersey and Hollywood."
  • Mom: (keeps right on going as if I said they enjoyed some recreational gardening.)
  • ---
  • It always amazes me when you reach a point in your life where your parents recognize you more as another person than as their child, and expect that there are more stories to your life than even they know. She breezed over the fact that I date reformed cokeheads so easily I was tempted to throw out there that I also had dated a guy who blew horse, just to see what would happen. I enjoy having parents who were my age in the '60s more than you know.
  • XOXO

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Conversations Girl Shit Parents Family Dating Makes Me Want To Die Drugs Couples Truth I Love My Boys Interesting

December 22, 2011


Girl Talk: Like Mother, Like Daughter.

  • "Mom, I get goosebumps and the shivers every time he kisses me."
  • "Watch out, girlie. Look where that got me."
  • ---
  • For the assembled record, Mom and Don Daddy will be celebrating their 41st year together this spring. She has always maintained that when Dad kisses her, the room spins. We're a romance-happy family unit, here, with Happy Endings not of the full-service massage parlor type.
  • XOXO

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