January 23, 2011


February 2, 2011


Teenage Dream, 1

I wake up when you roll over in the morning, and for the next five minutes, I lay in bed, perfectly still, and listen to the sounds you make. I look at the stubble on your cheeks. I notice you’re drooling a little on my fitted sheet, a small dark circle spreading out on the cream-and-navy polka dot pattern. 

I decide it’s charming.

—-

The Teenage Dream series is inspired by snapshots of my life that constantly amaze me— they’re things I hoped my “grown up life” would be like when I was in my teens, hence the moniker. All vignettes, they’re the moments I live and write about to be thankful for having.

XOXO

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Creative Non-Fiction Morning Couples These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things Teenage Dream Vignettes

February 3, 2011


Teenage Dream, 2

You wake up when I leave to use the bathroom, and when I come back and crawl into bed, roll over to wrap your arms around my waist, kissing the small of my back and burrowing into my skin with your face. 

We start talking about breakfast.

—-

The Teenage Dream series is inspired by snapshots of my life that constantly amaze me— they’re things I hoped my “grown up life” would be like when I was in my teens, hence the moniker. All vignettes, they’re the moments I live and write about to be thankful for having.

XOXO

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Couples Creative Non-Fiction These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things Morning Life Teenage Dream Vignettes

February 6, 2011


March 1, 2011


May 27, 2011


I’d sell my soul and possibly murder a few fuzzy baby animals to ritual sacrifice to wake up and roll out of bed every morning looking like this, and not the She-Beast from the Black-And-Bruised Lagoon that the S.O woke up this morning due to a work emergency.
XOXO

I’d sell my soul and possibly murder a few fuzzy baby animals to ritual sacrifice to wake up and roll out of bed every morning looking like this, and not the She-Beast from the Black-And-Bruised Lagoon that the S.O woke up this morning due to a work emergency.

XOXO

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La Mia Faccia Hair Yellow Light Red Dress Skin Like OhmuhGawd The S.O Morning

June 2, 2011


Woke up this morning, on my right side, on the edge of the bed, per usual, when I heard the cat chirp at me. I opened my eyes, and he was right in my face, front feet up on the mattress, staring at me.

Not going to lie, I got up and fed him right then because I was so impressed that he A.) Came and found me, and B.) Was kind enough to wake me up quietly and politely (not per usual) instead of waking the S.O up, too.

Sometimes, he’s not the worst $600 cat.

…And then the S.O went and took me to see and pet some foals. Great start to the day, overall.

XOXO

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Nicco Cats Life Morning Hilarious Cute Factor Out Of Control Horses

June 9, 2011


One of the perks of being a contortionist is the fact that I can, indeed, lick my elbow. The other perk is that unlike most people, I can reach every inch of my back if it itches.

However, I am ruthlessly lazy by nature.

This ends up in me asking other people to scratch my back for me when the moment is both itchy and convenient. As I was giving the S.O verbal directions to the particular square centimeter of my left shoulder-blade that bugging me, I legit uttered, “To the left. To the left.

Everything you own in a box to the left.

Who am I. Besides Beyonce and up before 10 AM on an unemployed weekday.

XOXO

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Who Really Does That Anyway? wtf. Life Crazy Bitch Morning

July 11, 2011


I maintain that sleeping men are by far and near some of the most beautiful things in the world. They all somehow become this nearly mystical, beautiful man-child when they’re asleep, and have mastered the art of sleeping peacefully and poised in a way that I’m pretty sure no woman has yet achieved.

Men even smell better when they’re asleep.

The one next to me just validated my being awake and unable to get back to sleep since 5 AM when he rolled over, woke up momentarily, looked at me and said, “I had a dream I was scuba diving. Now I’m pissed ‘cause I’m not,” and fell back asleep.

Divine.

XOXO

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Life Men Sleepily Satisfied Stone Foxes These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things Morning Dream Big Small Tadpole

July 20, 2011


Reaffirmed this morning that I have great tits.
Good start to the day.
XOXO

Reaffirmed this morning that I have great tits.

Good start to the day.

XOXO

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T&A Women Body Image Nekkid Bad Ass Bitches Morning

August 4, 2011


The Best Morning After Story. Ever.

There’s “Dear god, my make-up has smeared all over my face,” awkward, and then there’s awkward awkward. 

This story is about the latter.

Once upon a time, having just started my relationship with the ex, before I went to Italy, I discovered just how sound a sleeper he was. Having an alacrity to wake up before he did, I usually ended up trapped between him and his bedroom’s wall with only the books within arm’s reach to keep me company before he woke up and let me free from the bed. One such morning, I was staring at the posters adorning his walls when I heard a girl’s voice in the living room. I knew it wasn’t one of his roommate’s girlfriend, because I knew her well enough to be able to discern her speech patterns, even through the closed door, and when I heard his other roommate start talking to Mystery Woman, I assumed that maybe he had brought someone home. So I was really confused when I heard footsteps across the hardwood and the sound of her getting closer to the bedroom door. 

I elbowed the ex. Nothing. Elbowed him harder. Nada. Hissed his name at him. Comatose. Elbowed him sharply in his prone ribs (he was very ribby) AND hissed his name. With something between a snort and a “whaaaaa?” he sat up. “I think someone’s here to see you,” I told him, casting an eye to the wayward pair of earrings on his windowsill that certainly weren’t mine, as I had somehow made it thus far in life without holes in my lobes. He grabbed the earrings, rolled out of bed, put the first clothes on that reached his fingertips, and slid out the door. I heard conversation begin again, and slid further under the covers, getting comfortable and preparing for some shut eye sans bed hog, when all of a sudden, the door opened again, and I heard the ex say a word of warning. 

It sounded a lot like “Uhhhhhhhhhhggggmmmm…”

Now, the ex was the one who introduced me to the many splendid pleasures of passing out post-orgasm and sleeping naked, and he is only one of three men I have ever adored enough to put up with their sweaty leg hair on my naked ass at night. So needless to say, I was naked. And a girl I had never met was standing in the doorway, stopped in her tracks. From somewhere behind her, I heard the ex say, “__________, Carissa. Carissa, __________.” (He always did have such great manners. That’s one thing they train them well down South.) And then she opened her mouth, and said the words that I will never forget until my dying day:

"Wow, _______. P.I.M.P. That’s awkward.”

What did I do? Me, naked, half under and half exposed from the down comforter, the brand-spanking-new girlfriend? 

…I pretended to be asleep. Obviously. I played dead for another half hour, then threw my clothes on and waved a hasty “hi” to her as I dashed out of the kitchen door.

About a year later, towards the end of allllllllll of my dealings with the ex (…no, wait, that’s a lie, because I definitely slept with him that night, too, damn,) I happened to be at a party and was finally, formally introduced to the girl who had previously only ever seen me naked. This time went better. Mainly, I was wearing clothes. After about five minutes of playing the “Are You Going To Bring This Up First, Or Do You Want Me To?” game, finally, I bit the bullet and looked at her. “Soooooo…do you remember walking in on me in _______’s bed?”

She gave a relieved laugh and grinned guiltily. “Yeahhhhhh, I do. I didn’t want to say anything in case you really had been asleep, because that would have been even more awkward, but, yeah. Just so you know,” she finished, “I um, I wasn’t there to get my earrings because I’d been like, sleeping with him, too. I’d lost them at the apartment the last time I was at a party there. I um, thought you might want to know. There was no naked involved for us. But I have to say…when people ask how we met, we kind of have the most kick-ass story ever.”

True.

Awkward, but true.

XOXO

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Relationships Awkward Nekkid Morning The Ex-Files Oops

September 11, 2011


I Feel Sexiest In: Perfect morning lighting, his oversize t-shirt, and tousled hair.
The contrast and highlights in this photo completely amaze me all over again every time I look at it, and I love the way a plain white tee can cling to all my curves in just. the right. way. The strain of my hipbone against the shirt is one of my favorite points in this photo; my hands, one in the dark, one in the light, are the others.
XOXO

I Feel Sexiest In: Perfect morning lighting, his oversize t-shirt, and tousled hair.

The contrast and highlights in this photo completely amaze me all over again every time I look at it, and I love the way a plain white tee can cling to all my curves in just. the right. way. The strain of my hipbone against the shirt is one of my favorite points in this photo; my hands, one in the dark, one in the light, are the others.

XOXO

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Blonde Colors Contrast Hair Hands Hotels La Mia Faccia Legs Lighting Morning Nail Polish Natural Light Photography Profile White I Feel Sexiest In

September 12, 2011