The Oddest Thing She's Ever Said

You gotta be bad.
You gotta be bold.
You gotta be wiser.
You gotta be hard.
You gotta be tough.
You gotta be stronger.
You gotta be cool.
You gotta be calm.
You gotta stay together.

Herald what your mother said.
Read the books your father read.
Try to solve the puzzles in your own sweet time.
Some may have more cash than you;
Others take a different view—
Challenge what the future holds.

XOXO 

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There Are Two Kinds Of People In This World: Those Who Ask For Things, And Those Who Say “No” To Things.

“No” is a word I’ve never had trouble saying, so it frustrates me beyond belief when other people have difficulties with it. I’ve said “no” to bosses, to professors, to friends, to lovers, to ex-lovers, to lover’s ex-lovers, to my parents, to Italian border officials, to sales associates, to landlords, to bank personnel, to clients, to my primary care physicians. I’ve turned down “surprise” shifts, extra work, booty calls, requests to relinquish lots of things (personal freedom, Murano glass artwork, the last Lindt chocolate), unnecessary shots, and even an all-expenses-paid roadtrip out to California and back. Some of them were obviously easier to deny than others (shots, anyone? Anyone actually ACCEPT unneeded immunizations and needle jabs?), but the point being, I somehow managed to turn them all down. 

I get that we all like to make other people happy— it’s a natural human desire— but at some point, you’ve got to start putting your own wishes and desires before other people’s, otherwise, all you’ll ever be is an unhappy, overworked, underpaid doormat. If you don’t believe me, ask my mother, one of my old roommates, and some of my co-workers and classmates about this. Your personal happiness, time, and well-being are the most important things you’ve got, so DON’T just keep giving it away. I know this may sound very self-centered and only-child-ish of me, but I swear to god, this is true. If YOU are not happy, not content, and not doing what you want, how in hell do you expect to be responsible for taking care of making OTHER people happy and content? As an ex-nanny, I can tell you— unhappiness is like fear; other people can sniff it out. And if someone knows that you’re not happy— if they’re a true friend of yours, and they really care about you, mind, body, and soul— it will be impossible for them to be happy, no matter what you say you can do for them.

Say it with me, now: “I’m sorry, I can’t; but I trust that you’ll be able to figure something else out.”

It’s that easy— polite, firm, genuine, and true to yourself.

XOXO

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A Good Woman’s Worth:

A good woman knows her place— she knows what she can say to which people, about what. A good woman never gossips first. A good woman is kind. A good woman is aware of her limitations— in life, in public, in cerebral matters, and in her relationships. A good woman never assumes. A good woman has her own thoughts and opinions, but knows when to voice them, and when to not.

A good woman ALWAYS cleans up after her own messes, whether it’s in the kitchen, or in matters of finance or social conduct, or her own dirty work. A good woman does not take hand-outs lightly, and never takes them for granted, or else what would happen on the day they didn’t come? A good woman stands behind her man 90% of the time; the other 10%, she stands on the side that is right and tries to steer him to the correct path if he is to stray. A good woman always has her friends’ and lovers’ best interests at heart, and has the capacity to be selfless in love for them.

A good woman knows just enough to be dangerous, yet is clever enough to know when not to show what she doesn’t. A good woman is independent— she will be able to hold her own in any situation, no matter what. A good woman takes care of herself, first, because she knows the world is not kind to those who neglect themselves, be it emotionally, or physically. A good woman is adept in the kitchen, creative in the moment, and comfortable in bed.

A good woman acts with class, and doesn’t just use it as a disguise. A good woman has quiet dignity. A good woman is one who will tell you exactly what you want to hear, and then even some of the things that you don’t, just so that you have the whole truth. A good woman knows what you need, even before you yourself do— be it a massage, space, or a stiff drink. A good woman can make you that stiff drink.

A GREAT woman has ALL of these characteristics. And she is worth more than all the other girls in the world combined.

XOXO

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How To Spot An Insecure Girl:

It’s simplistically easy. Just look for the girl who is pointing her finger at all the other girls too busy doing what they like and being happy to notice that they should feel like a “slut” or “easy” or a “bimbo” or “worthless.” Because secure, self-confident girls don’t have the desire to demean other people into labeled groups based on what they feel they’re doing wrong— they’re too busy enjoying life, their own way, not the way other people or society feel the need to dictate it for them.

An insecure girl is like a mirror— everything she hates in herself, she sees projected onto other people who she doesn’t have the confidence to emulate.

I’m well-read enough in what I have spent the last few years of my life studying to be able to see right. through. you.

Every morning when I wake up and look in the mirror, bed-head and all, this is the mantra that I think from keeping all those soul-sucking insecure girls at bay: “I’m brighter than you, I’m lighter than you, and I swear to God, I am more than TWICE the woman you are. I eat women like you FOR BREAKFAST.”

“I am exceptional. You are hardly noteworthy.”

For all those lovely, self-confident girls out there who are sick and tired of having other people sneaking around and trying to bring them down, please join in in repeating this after me. And please note that nowhere in the entirety of this have I felt the need to resort to using misused slurs like “bitch” or “whore” or “slut.” THAT’S class…and having a vocabulary.

Stay pretty, girls who know it starts on the inside.

XOXO

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