Today Brought To You By The Letter “D”:
This is absurd beyond absurd.
A disgusting, despicable, distasteful, desperate, despotic dictatorship.
…I obviously should have given more credit where credit is due. Literally.
Such is life.
I'm the book that beat the speed-reader, and I'm the card the dealers won't touch. And it's just not true I'm a man-eater; all the same, we should probably go dutch.
The things you pick up as you go.
Reblogged from 50centtweets.
The writing center tutor in me wants to die, but part of her is also like, “mmmmhmmm, you tell it like it is, Fiddy!”’
If you are too retarded to use spell check before bringing in a paper for me to look at…well, I can be of no help to you, because you’re obviously past that point.
Get your shit in hand, or I’ll hand it to you myself.
I’ve handled so much rough business this week, it’d be just another check mark in another box.
She is awesome, and I love her. Three cheers for sexy nerds and things that I could do using both my diploma and cleavage.
Check out her website at http://www.hotforwords.com/ for more ways to get smarter.
If I had one wish that could come true, it would be that people didn’t reblog quotes or text or phrases that weren’t grammatically correct. It KILLS me inside with the sheer stupidity when I see it on my dash.
Tears of a Writing Major.
Same goes for DESPERATION = A ROPE ENDS IT,
THE EYES = THEY SEE,
THE MORSE CODE = HERE COME DOTS,
DORMITORY = DIRTY ROOM,
SLOT MACHINES = CASH LOST IN ME,
ELECTION RESULTS = LIES - LET’S RECOUNT,
SNOOZE ALARMS = ALAS NO MORE ZS
THE EARTHQUAKES = THAT QUEER SHAKE,
ELEVEN PLUS TWO = TWELVE PLUS ONE
MOTHER-IN-LAW = WOMAN HITLER.
Bwahahahahahahahahahaha— words are wonderful.
(Source: karpitol)98% of ppl wunt reglob
I am a self-professed Grammar Nazi. Call me an erudite snob if you must. But the ONE THING I can NOT tolerate is the abuse of the English language so that people can flirt electronically in a way that professes, “I have absolutely no brain waves functioning at the moment and am about as clever as a re-animated corpse, LOL! :)” I’ll admit it— while it’s the uneducated teeming masses who are usually to blame for the following, even I or some of the people I love have been known on occasion to slip and do one of the following. And I may be being a classist bitch here, but that just ain’t ok. So here are the things you must fix, America, and fix them WELL, not GOOD, otherwise I swear to god, I will hunt you down and beat you to death with the Chicago Manual of Style. And that thing is THICK like Beyonce’s booty.
Emoticons. There is a place and a time for them. It is not everyplace and all the time. ARE YOU A PRE-PUBESCENT TEENAGE GIRL WHO WORSHIPS JUSTIN BEIBER? ARE YOU? ARE YOU?! THEN STOP THIS MADNESS.
Abbreviations. Yes, the ampersand is about the coolest-looking piece of punctuation ever invented. But it does not take the place of a proper “and.” And you can take your LOLs and your URs and your TXTs and SHOVE THEM, because I am a BAMF and IDGAF.
Capitalization. Jesus Christ, it’s as easy as pressing the shift key, people. As an American population, how lazy have we gotten, REALLY, if you cannot be assed to expend the energy to make ONE. MORE. SINGLE. KEYSTROKE. with your finger? Your “i”s make me cry. And I’m not a pretty crier. So fix them.
Confusing your/you’re and their/there/they’re. I do not want a ride in you are car, nor do I think that your coming over later.
Excessive use of exclamation points. Please drink less coffee, or stop being so naturally chipper and excited when I am naturally pessimistic and grumpy.
Thank you. Sincerely. Your 8th grade English teacher and your brain’s gray-matter also thank you sincerely. It’s use it or lose it, people.
Moral of today’s story: After declining a request for further contact information from a young man today, I realized that all of the things he flagrantly maligned were all things people with whom I have history with have also done. I dumped a guy for excessive exclamation point usage, once. So you do not get my number if you tell me to “ttyl.” Oh, for the days of sonnets in lieu of texting. Some women get turned on by expensive cars or stacks o’ cash. I’d prefer a nice trip to Oxford to talk about their commas.
…I possibly have worked in a Writing Center for far too long. And to the rest of the (seemingly vast) Tumblr Grammar Nazi Committee having a field-day with this— yes, yes, you’re all right about everything else, but did I use a emoticon, abbreviation, or mis-capitalization in any manner other than tongue-in-cheek? Aha. They’re called “pet peeves” for a reason. Those specific five are mine. Find your own, even in this post, if you wish. (That’s you, Comma Commander.) That is your divine language right.
I also take supreme pleasure in knowing that all across the world, at all times of day or night, there are people tracking grammar on their dashboards, instead of— or along with— naked chicks and kittens. I can now die happy.
My child would most definitely learn the alphabet through the Gashleycrumb Tinies book.
That, and Anamalia, which is also a bit creepy at times in it’s own right.
Might I mention I was a fiercely sought-after nanny? That’s right, even with Anamalia in my repitoire. Thank god for progressive parents.
I just got realllllllly excited when I thought this girl said “faceted” and that her vocabulary was more spectacular than I previously thought it was, and then I realized she had just said “fastened.”
We say, “poh-leece.” They say, “carabinieri.” (That’s CARA-bin-airy…actually, it’s not “airy,” but I cannot explain to you in letters the music that last syllable makes rolling off a fluent tongue.) Just one more reason to prefer living in Italy.XOXO