July 28, 2011


My highlight of the day was bonding with a 6 year old when she told me she hadn’t pet a calf yet and I called one over for her. We then proceeded to chat for the next 10 minutes, her petting the calf, me hunched down on my heels so I could see eye-to-eye with her. It was precious, and I wish more children were as precocious and warm and open as she was. It would have made nannying a BREEZE.

Well, it was one of the highlights, anyway.

XOXO

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Kids Life Nanny Diaries ILoVermont

August 3, 2011


What I’m going for as a response to ANY child that I know receiving a pony.
As it should be.
XOXO

What I’m going for as a response to ANY child that I know receiving a pony.

As it should be.

XOXO

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Hilarious Horses Kids Childhood Truth Parents

August 7, 2011


Ohhhhhhhh these are a few of my favorite thingssssssss…
Check out the whiskers on THAT kitten!
XOXO

Ohhhhhhhh these are a few of my favorite thingssssssss…

Check out the whiskers on THAT kitten!

XOXO

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Animals Tigers Kids Adorable These Are A Few Of My Favorite Things

August 20, 2011


My life is slowly being destroyed by a being who weighs less than 5 pounds and only responds to me screaming in Italian. 

Right now, I would GLADLY go back to nannying for 3 children under the age of 10 rather than have to deal with my cat.

XOXO

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Life Cats Nicco Kids Nanny Diaries

August 26, 2011


When people ask me what type of cat Nicco is, I always end up telling them, “Well, he’s a Manolo.” Basically, when he was about 4 months old, my roommate and I shelled out a cool $600 to have a vet tell us that his vomiting binge (a spectacularly done attempt at bulimia for him, really,) was the result of our “free” barn kitten having a “particularly sensitive” digestive system— in other words, I could have bought a great pair of designer shoes, but instead got a cat who has acid reflux, and burps after every meal.
This also makes travelling with him trying.
After packing up my ENTIRE apartment today in under 2 hours, having my (wonderful, spectacular, certifiably INSANE for doing so much for me) friends stop by to help and say their goodbyes-for-now (let’s face it; I’m only an hour and a half away— I will be in Burlington a metric FUCK-TON), and sending my parents and a Uhaul filled with my furniture home ahead of me, I loaded the Civic, popped the cat in shotgun, and off I went. Tentatively. Worryingly. Slowly.
I could make a list of the things that make Nicco nauseous that would rival Santa’s “Naughty” List, starting with Indian food and ending with grass, but instead, I’ll just cut to the chase and say that riding in a car is his #1 barf aggravation. He can’t be in a carrier, or he’ll get sick. (Last time when the S.O and I tried that, the cat lost it out both ends. There have been no repeats of that since.) He can’t be in the backseat, or he’ll get sick. He needs to have someone gently stroking his back with one hand at ALL TIMES WHILE THE VEHICLE IS IN MOTION, or he’ll get sick. Basically, toddlers and those annoying kids you grew up with who always said they had to sit in the passenger side instead of the backseat because they got carsick even though they were totally lying little bastards and full of bull GOT NUTHIN’ on my darling little kitty.
So I nearly wept tears of joy and thanked every deity I could think of when he laid down and took a cat-nap, one paw still clutching onto the side of the seat for dear life. (See Figure 1.)
So JUST after I fired off elated “look at how cute and un-bile-y he is!” text messages to all interested parties, OF COURSE the cat sat up, looked at me, made his patented turkey-gobble “I’m going to be sick” noise, and promptly lost his lunch all over my passenger side seat.
I sighed. Pulled over. Cleaned it up. Pet him. Got back in the car. Continued with my day.
Right up until the point when I got home, UNloaded everything from the Civic, including my now miraculously better cat, and watched as my parent’s 17 year old furry madam of a bowling ball on legs tossed her cookies, too.
I looked at my mom, and stood up from the couch. “Don’t even bother,” I told her. “I just did this; I’ve got it.”
Cats: Training grounds for children since 2000 B.C.
XOXO

When people ask me what type of cat Nicco is, I always end up telling them, “Well, he’s a Manolo.” Basically, when he was about 4 months old, my roommate and I shelled out a cool $600 to have a vet tell us that his vomiting binge (a spectacularly done attempt at bulimia for him, really,) was the result of our “free” barn kitten having a “particularly sensitive” digestive system— in other words, I could have bought a great pair of designer shoes, but instead got a cat who has acid reflux, and burps after every meal.

This also makes travelling with him trying.

After packing up my ENTIRE apartment today in under 2 hours, having my (wonderful, spectacular, certifiably INSANE for doing so much for me) friends stop by to help and say their goodbyes-for-now (let’s face it; I’m only an hour and a half away— I will be in Burlington a metric FUCK-TON), and sending my parents and a Uhaul filled with my furniture home ahead of me, I loaded the Civic, popped the cat in shotgun, and off I went. Tentatively. Worryingly. Slowly.

I could make a list of the things that make Nicco nauseous that would rival Santa’s “Naughty” List, starting with Indian food and ending with grass, but instead, I’ll just cut to the chase and say that riding in a car is his #1 barf aggravation. He can’t be in a carrier, or he’ll get sick. (Last time when the S.O and I tried that, the cat lost it out both ends. There have been no repeats of that since.) He can’t be in the backseat, or he’ll get sick. He needs to have someone gently stroking his back with one hand at ALL TIMES WHILE THE VEHICLE IS IN MOTION, or he’ll get sick. Basically, toddlers and those annoying kids you grew up with who always said they had to sit in the passenger side instead of the backseat because they got carsick even though they were totally lying little bastards and full of bull GOT NUTHIN’ on my darling little kitty.

So I nearly wept tears of joy and thanked every deity I could think of when he laid down and took a cat-nap, one paw still clutching onto the side of the seat for dear life. (See Figure 1.)

So JUST after I fired off elated “look at how cute and un-bile-y he is!” text messages to all interested parties, OF COURSE the cat sat up, looked at me, made his patented turkey-gobble “I’m going to be sick” noise, and promptly lost his lunch all over my passenger side seat.

I sighed. Pulled over. Cleaned it up. Pet him. Got back in the car. Continued with my day.

Right up until the point when I got home, UNloaded everything from the Civic, including my now miraculously better cat, and watched as my parent’s 17 year old furry madam of a bowling ball on legs tossed her cookies, too.

I looked at my mom, and stood up from the couch. “Don’t even bother,” I told her. “I just did this; I’ve got it.”

Cats: Training grounds for children since 2000 B.C.

XOXO

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Cats Nicco Sick Kids Nanny Diaries Life

August 30, 2011


fuckitdude:

screaming4more:

What children’s skulls look like as they prepare to lose their baby teeth

Oh wow

AHHHHHHHHHHHH TERRIFYING HALF-CHILD/HALF-SHARK LURKS IN EVERY PARENT’S HOUSEHOLD!
XOXO

fuckitdude:

screaming4more:

What children’s skulls look like as they prepare to lose their baby teeth

Oh wow

AHHHHHHHHHHHH TERRIFYING HALF-CHILD/HALF-SHARK LURKS IN EVERY PARENT’S HOUSEHOLD!

XOXO

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Bones Teeth Kids Parents Freaky Shit

September 13, 2011



Oh my god, please, Lord, if I ever have children, let them be this awesome.
XOXO

Oh my god, please, Lord, if I ever have children, let them be this awesome.

XOXO

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Kids Babies Hilarious Things I Want Language I Died.

September 16, 2011


My child would most definitely learn the alphabet through the Gashleycrumb Tinies book.
That, and Anamalia, which is also a bit creepy at times in it’s own right.
Might I mention I was a fiercely sought-after nanny? That’s right, even with Anamalia in my repitoire. Thank god for progressive parents.
XOXO

My child would most definitely learn the alphabet through the Gashleycrumb Tinies book.

That, and Anamalia, which is also a bit creepy at times in it’s own right.

Might I mention I was a fiercely sought-after nanny? That’s right, even with Anamalia in my repitoire. Thank god for progressive parents.

XOXO

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Alphabet Letters Words Kids Morbid Death Creepy Things Nanny Diaries

September 17, 2011


GIVE ME THIS CHILD.
AND NO ONE GETS HURT.
XOXO

GIVE ME THIS CHILD.

AND NO ONE GETS HURT.

XOXO

(Source: uncrowns)

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Babies Baby Kids Adorable

September 19, 2011


Little girls with long hair. Forever will love.
I’ll take this child, please.
XOXO

Little girls with long hair. Forever will love.

I’ll take this child, please.

XOXO

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Kids Babies Baby Adorable Give It To Me Eyes

Is It A Kitten Or A Child?

During The Nanny Years, I developed the sort of land-speed record bathroom habits that only childcare providers or parents have mastered. There seems to be some sort of Murphy’s Law stipulation that says after 4 hours of eagle-eyeing a child, the 36 seconds in which you rush to the bathroom, leave the door cracked open just in case so you can hear any baby screams or children gasping for air, and void your bowels in a rush that’s probably medically unhealthy are the same 36 seconds in the day that the child inevitably finds the glue in the crafts bin, or climbs onto the couch and then falls off the back, or gets tangled in his blankets in his crib and puts up an unholy ruckus trying to wiggle free that makes you think that an intruder has entered the house and is trying to abscond with said child.

Since the end of The Nanny Years, I have learned to love my quiet, uninterrupted, and long-in-duration bathroom time. I read my magazines. I’ve even been known to paint my toenails while already sitting (multitasking for the win!). I write grocery lists as I mentally walk down the aisles and make a menu for the week.

This was BK— Before Kitten.

Because my little cat, my Velcro shadow, my tiny terror, my monster of love, goes into panic mode the instant I walk in the bathroom and shut the door in his face. Even if he didn’t see me go in, I hear him running around the house, looking for me before he finally deduces where I am and sets up post outside the door, howling, yowling, and generally trying to convince me that his inability to be alone trumps my bodily functions.

Again— pet owner, or furry, bastardized motherhood?

XOXO

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Cats Nicco Nanny Diaries Kids Baby Babies Seriously. wtf. Life

September 25, 2011


Since my junior year of college and moving to Burlington year-round, my interactions with the Nanny Family have been such that the last time I saw their “baby” whom I nannied for/was in cosmic child-love with, he was 2, and I was teaching him how to swim, say “lion,” “elephant,” and “bear,” and eating lots of Goldfish crackers, the seemingly universal snack food of toddlers (and nannies). Now that I’m back in the area, I picked up a dog-sitting gig (the Cookie Monster,) for them while they were out of town. So when I delivered her back today, my past (literally) ran into me again. Because my past is now three feet tall, he ran into me somewhere directly under my boobs. I don’t know which was more shocking.

My “baby” is now 4 years old, 42 pounds heavy, and told me that he could “swim across the ocean ‘cause I don’t need help swimming anymore,” when I asked him if he remembered me helping teach him to swim. Of course he was much too young to have any concrete memories, but, as he came out from hiding behind his mother, started poking me, then progressed to leaning against me (I am a helpless sucker for all dogs and children who lean on me), which culminated when he grabbed my hand in his and dragged me all around the house to show me his photos, see how much he weighed, and scale me like a human tree, time caught up with us. Carrying him back outside on my hip like I used to when he was much, much lighter, I felt his soft, spiky hair against my neck as he put his head down on the same crook in my shoulder that he used to. It felt so, so right, and it apparently did to him too, because he turned and mumbled in my ear, “I think I remember your voice.”

My heart felt like it suddenly fractured. I nearly cried with joy.

As I put him down in the driveway next to his mom to say my goodbyes and get back into my car, he clung to my knees, not letting go. He’d always been hesitant to let people leave as a toddler, but now, when he asked if he could come home with me and I told him he’d have to sleep under the bed with the cat, he thought about it seriously for a minute before responding with, “I like cats. But I’d have to bring a blanket.” He talks now. And he’s exactly the clever little person I always imagined he’d be.

Lovelovelovelovelovelovelove.

And thus SuperNanny Round 2 begins.

XOXO

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Life Nanny Diaries Kids Memories I Died Adorable Growing Up

September 27, 2011


Any child of mine would love this. Because Addams Family Values aptly describes my attitude toward family life.
XOXO

Any child of mine would love this. Because Addams Family Values aptly describes my attitude toward family life.

XOXO

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Creepy Things Spooky Morbid Books Childhood Kids Alphabet Letters Words

This is why I believe children and dogs should be mutually exclusive.
XOXO

This is why I believe children and dogs should be mutually exclusive.

XOXO

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Dogs Kids Adorable Things I Want Awww Cute Factor Out Of Control