April 8, 2011


As we’ve all probably noted by now, I’ve got a little bit of an entrepreneurial bend…mostly because I’m always strapped for cash. So it should be no surprise that I’ve just come up with my latest money-making endeavor, namely— breeding my cat.

Yeah, I know, this seems like a terrible idea, but let me count the ways in which choosing to breed my Nicco (that’s Nicolai La Citta to those breeders of you out there who like a nice, long, and impressive show name,) to your little lady-cat would actually be an awesome decision:

- As evidenced by the photos above, he has a sterling disposition. Hand-raised by me since he was a month old, Nicco’s got a really go-with-the-flow personality. You can literally do anything with this cat— hold him upside-down, toss him, perch him on your shoulder like a parrot, force-cuddle him…scratching and biting don’t come naturally to him, so the chance of having mailable kittens is pretty good.

- He’s highly personable and interactive. Unlike most cats, he won’t run and hide, and in fact, is exceptionally needy. He craves human interaction and is always up in your biznazz, wanting to be included in things. (In many aspects, he’s very much like a dog.) He’s always the life of our parties, greeting everyone and crawling into laps. In fact, the only person he’s ever not truly enjoyed was the guy I’ve been seeing…Nicco’s kingly enough to assume that he should be the only man sleeping in my bed.

- Our vet tells us he’s partially Siamese, which accounts for the fact that he’s highly talkative. If you mimic his meows and yowls back to him, he’ll engage you in a full-on conversation. He’s got a diverse and interesting variety of vocal noises, from a roll in the back of his throat like an old-fashioned telephone ring, to a high-pitched yelp he makes while yawning.

- Born of humble beginnings, his highly distinctive coat markings really stand out. His brown base-coat is accented with heavy and dark black tiger stripes, and silver tips. The fur on his belly has a unique “snow leopard print” with round rosettes…something I’ve never seen on any other domestic short-hair tiger. 

- While I’ve watched him run into walls, he’s also intelligent enough to know several voice commands, and a few tricks. Hopefully, his highly teachable mindset would be passed down to his offspring.

- Nicco’s best friends are the neighbor’s dogs, and he’ll play with them as if he’s one of them. (He’s a brave little dude.) He’s interacted with lady-cats before, and is DEFINITELY looking for some springtime lovin’, if his crying at the front door lately is of any indication. An indoor cat strictly, Nicco is pampered, exercised, and in prime condition, with not an ounce of fat, and sharp senses. 

- Weighing in at roughly 7 pounds, Nicco is fully-grown and in healthy weight, yet is what we refer to as a “miniature cat.” He and his mother are the same size, and his father (a longhair, so that may give some recessive longhair traits to his offspring,) isn’t much larger. This is the perfect size cat for apartment living, or for children, since “minature cats” look exactly like a fully-grown, regular size cat, but are on a child’s size scale.

- While I am not promising anything, here, I am allergic to cats with high dander concentration, and I’ve never gotten so much as a sniffle from Nicco, not even when he used to sleep on my head as a kitten. (He really did.) 

$$$ While no cat is really “free”— believe me, I got Nicco for free, and $600 worth of vet bills later to have him vaccinated, checked out, hydrated, and tested, he’s now my "Manolo Cat"— and adopting a kitten from the shelter or vet’s can cost anywhere from $25 to $100, and purebreds from breeders can cost from $500 up to $1,000, why don’t you decide to breed with Nicco, get the looks, attitude, and vocal chords of a really fun pet, and only spend $150 for stud fees, on guarantee of live young? That’s a STEAL for such a package! $$$

So now that I’ve convinced all y’all that not only am I very, VERY bored, but also a crazy young cat woman, tell me— if you had a lady cat and wanted kittens, would you bite for my little stud-muffin? 

XOXO

….In all seriousness, now, how’s THAT for an example of creative/technical writing and the sort of sample a writer can just whip the fuck up? See, you can write about ANYTHING.

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May 19, 2011


My friend who I am not remarkably close to although we always have a fun time when we’re together and I have this inside joke revolving around lobsters that’s about two years old, and thus is so old I’ve even forgotten how it started. Anyway, he just texted me a photo of lobsters on sale out of the (deep) blue (sea).

I am extraordinarily touched for something so trivial. “Live Lobsters: $6.75/lb.”

Doesn’t take much to please me.

XOXO

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June 6, 2011


X-men: The First Class— Whole new meaning to “6 Degrees To Kevin Bacon.”

Kevin Bacon’s wardrobe in this movie: Bacon, by Armani. Not your average lunchmeat. Or outerwear.

Why you can’t take me into public to see a movie.

XOXO

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June 18, 2011


My Parents and Boyfriend Bonding:

  • "We almost named her Mercedes Bay."
  • "Yeah, but then you would have gotten lots of 'high mileage' jokes."
  • "Young model. High mileage."
  • "Expensive to maintain. And needs a new muffler."
  • I am a living joke.
  • XOXO

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August 6, 2011


Cat is licking my toes.

It this a pet-icure?

XOXO

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August 25, 2011


"I mustache you a question…but I’m shaving it for later."
Sir Sean Connery’s half-a-mustache-elephant.
XOXO

"I mustache you a question…but I’m shaving it for later."

Sir Sean Connery’s half-a-mustache-elephant.

XOXO

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August 31, 2011


This is worth watching it, I swear, just for the last. fucking. line at the end.

I DIED at the thought of that visual. T-Pain. And Stephen Hawking. TOGETHER. BWAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. MIXED COMPANY!

XOXO

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September 22, 2011


Anybody can be good in the country. There are no temptations there.

- Oscar Wilde

Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha…what are you talking about, Oscar?

XOXO

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September 25, 2011


October 7, 2011


SO TRUE I CAN’T EVEN STAND IT.
XOXO

SO TRUE I CAN’T EVEN STAND IT.

XOXO

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October 10, 2011


I DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEED.
XOXO 

I DIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEED.

XOXO 

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October 20, 2011


December 8, 2011


Funniest Lie I’ve Told Myself Lately:

"No, I really don’t want that huge bag of Smartfood; I’ll never eat it all, anyway…"

LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL.

BAG DESTROYED.

XOXO

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December 14, 2011


December 16, 2011


The Dude may or may not have just gotten out of a stint of being hosted at our fine state’s correctional facility, and I may or may not communicate with him by leaving love notes and Honey-Do lists on the back of the Monopoly “get out of jail free” and “go straight to jail; do not pass go, do not collect $200” game cards. 

Sometimes I can be really, really clever, and really, really witty and sweet at the same time.

…It’s also a good thing he also shares the same sense of humor with me.

XOXO

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