January 28, 2011


January 31, 2011


Making sweet, sweet love to my mozzarella and tomato caprese salad.

It’s obscene, and I’m at work, so I’m going to get fired if these moans get any louder.

XOXO

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Fat Kid Food Food Porn Working Girl

February 12, 2011


Girl Talk: Maybe It Wouldn't Hurt So Much If He Hadn't Called Her "Pretty." Or Had Ever Called Me "Pretty."

  • Ugh. I'm eating my feeling's worth in chocolate from the V-Day care package my mother so conveniently shipped me today. And in case you were wondering, I'm feeling about 5 pound's worth.
  • Madison: NOT COOL.
  • XOXO

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Girl Shit Friends Madison Emotions Ouch Fat Kid Other Women

March 12, 2011


Just opened the bag of Pirate’s Booty. 
Just finished the bag of Pirate’s Booty. 
I swear to god they coat that stuff in crack cocaine.

XOXO

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Food Drugs Life Fat Kid Random Facts

March 19, 2011


I am frighteningly out of shape. So out of shape, in fact, that I couldn’t make it through my entire usual dance routine to Lil’ Jon & the Eastside Boyz.

I am blaming it on all the sex.

…All the sex, and the cheese-heavy pasta I had for dinner.

Ughhhhhhh cold shower and kill me nowww.

XOXO

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Dancing Music Fat Kid Exercise

April 12, 2011


Free Cone Day At B&J’s.

Chubby Hubby, I hear you calling my name.

…I am having a relationship with my ice cream.

XOXO

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Food Fat Kid Ice Cream

April 17, 2011


April 22, 2011


I am having a “scared and alone post-rejection” afternoon.

And thus am eating my feelings.

And watching “The Rebound” and enjoying it entirely too much.

And just typed this to Madison in a fit of over-excitement: “OMG I SHAVE CAHSEWS!!!!”

Translated, that clearly both means, “I have cashews!” and “Dear fucking lord, I need a life and to stop finding nearly sexual gratification in salted nuts, and not the real ones.”

XOXO

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Life Movies Break Ups Fat Kid Emotions

July 5, 2011


Finding The McChicken Sandwich I Hid In The Fridge Yesterday For Myself:

Tears of joy.

Tears. of. joy.

XOXO

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Life Food McDonalds Fat Kid HUNGRY NO LONGER

August 1, 2011


BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
…HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA.
……HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.
It just keeps staying as funny.
XOXO

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

…HAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA.

……HAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHA.

It just keeps staying as funny.

XOXO

4,242 notes
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Cats Fat Kid Hilarious

August 13, 2011


I couldn’t even finish my french fries at McDonald’s.

I couldn’t even finish my french fries.

I COULDN’T EVEN FINISH MY FRENCH FRIES.

Tiny girl problems.

XOXO

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Life Food McDonalds Fat Kid Petite Girl Problems

August 17, 2011


Pretending I did NOT just eat 12 Andes mints in a row.

…I am a very accomplished pretender.

XOXO

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Food Chocolate Fat Kid PMS Girl Night

August 23, 2011


I MOWED DOWN ON FOUR FUCKING HOT DOGS AND A BOWL OF DIPPIN’ DOTS TONIGHT; HOW AM I STILL FUCKING HUNGRY?!

ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

XOXO

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Life Ugh Hungry Hungry Hippo Food The Things I Can Eat Should Astound You Fat Kid

It’s 11 PM. It must be second dinner time.

XOXO

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Life Night Fat Kid Hungry Hungry Hippo