January 13, 2011


I have a propensity for wearing and playing with kitchen utensils. 

This is why I’m a Kitchen Bitch.

XOXO

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Kitchen Bitches Food Cooking La Mia Faccia

March 23, 2011


I cooked a full, real meal for TGIS and me last night. My “bitchin” risotto, peas with bacon pieces, and chicken breasts stuffed with bacon, sauteed onions, and sharp cheddar cheese.

There was a moment in the planning of said meal when I realized I was thinking frantically over and over “A main course, a side, and a veggie! I need a veggie! IT NEEDS TO HAVE TWO SIDES!” And in that moment I realized I am turning into my mother.

XOXO

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Cooking Life Scary Revelations TGIS The Fam Recipes

April 13, 2011


The part of the whole “distancing/ignoring” thing about the end of my last relationship that still gets to me and pisses me off every time I think about it?

It’s not the fact that after seeing each other for 5 months, it’s apparently this easy for him to just drop it. It’s not the fact he stayed with me for four days right before the fact. It’s not that we slept together for three nights in a row, and I DISTINCTLY remember him pulling me over toward him after I fell asleep to lay my head on his lap and cuddle into him as he stayed up to watch more TV. It’s not the fact that he made me so. damn. happy. It’s the fact I cooked for him for three nights and he told me he’d use his newly-learned cooking skills to repay the favor right before he dropped off the face of my world.

I COOKED RISOTTO AND BACON, ONION, AND CHEDDAR STUFFED CHICKEN BREASTS FOR YOU, ASSHOLE. YOU JUST DON’T PEACE OUT ON A WOMAN AFTER THAT.

I mean, REALLY.

XOXO

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July 14, 2011


Just Call Me Betty Fuckin’ Crocker.

Last night, I made these mini-lasagna cups for the S.O, one of our roommates, and myself. 

Tonight, it’s potato and leek soup with an onion ring floating on top, and a side of braised balsamic scallions.

Dark chocolate and hazelnut torte is sometime later this week.

Who is the best hausfrau? This bitch.

XOXO

P.S— Did I mention I wiped down all the flat surfaces in the living room, kitchen, and dining room the other day to dust them off and keep them clean? Oh, yeah. Doin’ Momma proud.

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Cooking Food Porn How To Be A Perfect Girlfriend Life Old Lady Style Roommates The S.O Recipes

August 6, 2011


The most beautiful produce I have ever seen from today’s Farmer’s Market. I later got so bored that I made two color-coordinating and geometrically interesting salads for the roommate and I for dinner.
I need more hobbies. :/
XOXO

The most beautiful produce I have ever seen from today’s Farmer’s Market. I later got so bored that I made two color-coordinating and geometrically interesting salads for the roommate and I for dinner.

I need more hobbies. :/

XOXO

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Cooking Food Food Porn Summer Recipes

August 13, 2011


Don’t have a baking sheet? Use a skillet.

The things that I manage to do in the kitchen amaze me.

XOXO

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Life Cooking Tips Tricks & Secrets She's Crafty

August 19, 2011


Put 2 tablespoons of butter into pre-heated pan. Finely chop some onion, add those bits. Season a steak with salt, pepper, and a little bit of garlic powder, then throw that in, too. While that’s cooking, peel, thinly slice, and salt and pepper a cucumber. Add a teaspoon of vinegar. Let it sit for about ten minutes, then squeeze all the water and vinegar out. Add about a tablespoon of half-and-half, or heavy cream, whichever you have handy. By now, your steak should be done. Remove it from the pan. Open a bottle of wine. DE-GLAZE THE FUCKING PAN. ALWAYS, ALWAYS de-glaze your pan! Jesus Christ, I cannot begin to explain to you what moving a little bit of wine around the bottom of your buttery, fatty, salty, onion-y pan will do for you. No, wait, I can— IT MAKES A SAUCE THAT IS LIKE THE EJACULATION OF ANGELS. It is beyond fathoming. It’s just that good. So make it. Then, hunt down some apple sauce. It’ll be around there somewhere; it always is. Pour yourself a glass of wine— in a nice glass. Forget those Mason jars— tonight is about treating yourself. For once, skip the swilling it around, the sniffing, the gentle little teeny-tiny sip. You’re alone. Just pour a nice big glass of it, and get right to drinking it. Feeling better? Yeah, thought so. Grab a fork, a steak knife, and a spoon. Go settle down somewhere, turn a movie on, some music, whatever. Enjoy your meal. Take your time. Eat until you’re past the point of full. Eat to satisfaction.

Whoever said cooking for one had to be boring?

XOXO

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August 21, 2011


Cornbread to DIE for.

My great-grandmama was right— the trick is using a skillet, and LOTS and lots of butter to grease it.

Here’s to the better half of me being half-Southern.

XOXO

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Cooking Family Food Life Southern Comfort Tips Tricks & Secrets Recipes

August 23, 2011


WHY DOES MY SUSHI NOT LOOK LIKE THIS.
XOXO

WHY DOES MY SUSHI NOT LOOK LIKE THIS.

XOXO

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September 1, 2011


Cultural History Through The Ages With Secrets Hidden In Your Food.

No, I am not a conspiracy theorist.

Yes, this is going to completely mind-rape you again. 

My dad makes this totally bitchin’ foccacia— the best you can get this side of Italy and the Cinque Terra. So the other day while he was baking, I popped over to his recipe book to take a peek. It all seemed very Betty Crocker-ish to me as I read through, all the way down until the point when it said, “Fold the dough from the side of the bowl into the center a total of 8 times,” which means that you turn the bowl a total of 6 times. It’s really annoying. It’s really boring. It’s really overdone. Why, I wondered, would anyone go through all this oddly specific trouble to make sure you do it this exact way?

And then I remembered something from my high school math class that changed my life, and made me a terrible liar for all the years I said that I never needed to know what I learned in those classes for anything else in the rest of my life.

"Hmm, 6 times," I thought, remembering that in numerology and folk belief, 6 is a number that represents production, completion, creation, and perfection. 6 was a perfect number— it can be divided by 3, 2, and 1 evenly,  and 1+2+3=6. Early religions (Christians included, because don’t forget, God supposedly created the Universe in 6 days and rested on the 7th,) were fascinated by this fact, making six a "lucky" number.

And wait! We were TURNING the bowl as we were creating this number effect. Was there a prefferance for the direction of turn as well? The certainly had to be! In life, we tend to turn things away from ourselves rather than in toward ourselves, which means we always turn things to the right, not to the left. Not surprising, either, is that there’s meaning in even this superstitious yet natural bodily response:

Doing anything to the left is still considered unlucky. “Widdershins” was the Pagan or early-Wiccan word for it, which I dredged up in my memory from the beginning of my practicing Wiccan, and, ultimately— Pagan— period of my life. It was opposite to the turning direction of the Sun, meaning it was considered unnatural, threatening, or negative.

Your ancestors who perfected this recipe— and you— probably don’t like the Forces of Evil gathering around your kitchen hearth, so they probably turned it deasil, and away from them in the motion that felt best.

Turning “deasil” means to turn to the right with the Sun, which means that turning to the right is the venerating direction, the one that represents moving with Nature and the flow of things and Time— just like the seasons that are ruled over by the Sun. The majority of Italians and Europeans being crop farmers who grew things like the wheat this bread was being made from, dependent on weather and the steady change of time, turning the bowl to the right it surely was.

Now, after all of this hocus pocus and baking, what did we add for a little bit of flavor?

Rosemary.

Otherwise known as the herb that symbolizes remembrance and good memory, longevity, and love. In ancient European culture, a young man would give a sprig of rosemary to the woman he loved so that she could wear it in her hair and think of him with love every time she smelled it. Hey, if cooks down South can still claim their “soul food” tastes better because it’s made with love, wouldn’t it make sense to add a great-smelling and -tasting herb to your recipe that also symbolized some really freakin’ great qualities?

So. We have a bread being folded for maximum perfection of the outcome, turned in a way that respects the Nature it came from, and seasoned with love and warm and fuzzy thoughts. Just things that, you know, just happen to be in a written, published recipe for the shits-n’-giggles. Or not. It is so fascinating to me to the realize the things we do every day that hold significance to what our fore-bearers believed in, even if we don’t even know it. 

Hi. I’m a recovering scholar who digs the occult.

XOXO

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September 17, 2011


I used to be quite the drinker. Now, however, not so much. But sometimes, all this girl wants is a really, really briny dirty vodka martini, extra olives, please.
So on nights when I feel like drinking what roughly equates to Mediterranean sea water, but know that I don’t have enough life problems to coax myself through a full martini glass, I make Filthy Martini shots. These roughly equate to a shot of Absolut from the bottle that was one of the last things my ex got me— I like it, ‘cause it makes me feel like a man’s buying my drinks, even at home— a healthy (by “healthy,” please read “like Nicki Minaj’s milkshakes,”) amount of juice from an olive jar, and a bleu-cheese-stuffed olive or two, plunked in with these AWESOME vintage skewers that I found in a kitchen drawer that look (and feel! They’re sharp— ouch!) like mini-swords.
So right now, I’m shooting back a rapier and a Hungarian broadsword. Cheers, and bottom’s up!
XOXO

I used to be quite the drinker. Now, however, not so much. But sometimes, all this girl wants is a really, really briny dirty vodka martini, extra olives, please.

So on nights when I feel like drinking what roughly equates to Mediterranean sea water, but know that I don’t have enough life problems to coax myself through a full martini glass, I make Filthy Martini shots. These roughly equate to a shot of Absolut from the bottle that was one of the last things my ex got me— I like it, ‘cause it makes me feel like a man’s buying my drinks, even at home— a healthy (by “healthy,” please read “like Nicki Minaj’s milkshakes,”) amount of juice from an olive jar, and a bleu-cheese-stuffed olive or two, plunked in with these AWESOME vintage skewers that I found in a kitchen drawer that look (and feel! They’re sharp— ouch!) like mini-swords.

So right now, I’m shooting back a rapier and a Hungarian broadsword. Cheers, and bottom’s up!

XOXO

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September 26, 2011


From garden…to table.

Fresh green onions and leeks into authentic Italian home-cooking.

XOXO

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Cooking Country Mouse Fall Food Porn Garden Green Home La Mia Faccia Sunlight Recipes

October 21, 2011


Out-did myself on dinner yet again— mini Japanese eggplant Parmesan slices made with panko breadcrumbs over a bed of linguine and 15-minute homemade tomato sauce, with discs of mozzarella cheese melting in the pasta.

Home-grown eggplants, nonetheless.

Yes, the kitchen is my bitch.

XOXO

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Cooking Food Kitchen Bitches Proud Yummm Recipes

December 26, 2011


Food porn from a Chinese lunch the other day.

I could be perfectly content eating food and taking photos of it for the rest of my life.

XOXO

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