November 15, 2011


That Moment When He Texts You First.

Ohmigod ohmigod ohmigod yes, thank you; there is a baby Jesus.

I have been such a chickenshit for the last few days, not texting the new babe at the mall because I don’t know, I have antiquated ideas about how a man who’s interested should make the first move, EVEN THOUGH he asked my old manager to give me his number, which technically counts as the first, but I was still struggling with the idea of texting a very attractive stranger and how one goes about it…when lo and behold, not even 10 minutes ago, BOOM.

There is a god, and the gods of dating have smiled down upon me from an electronic device.

Girls Playing “The Game”: +1.

Boys Who Make The First Move: +1.

EVERYBODY wins tonight! Kisses for all the babies and hugs for all the constituents!

XOXO

P.S— AND HE JUST ASKED ME OUT. I am still about 16 and in my awkward bangs-growing-out-with-about-15-extra-pounds stage in my head, so I am always AMAZED when absolute stone foxes ask me out. I have had very, VERY good luck with attractive men these past two years. How, I do not know, but I’ll take it.

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November 19, 2011


I just really want to see you naked. Is that really so horrible?

My sentiments exactly.

XOXO

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November 27, 2011


December 5, 2011


December 7, 2011


Umph. It’s time to get laid again.
Once upon a time, I slept with a guy who had biceps as thick as my thighs. I’ve decided that the next man I sleep with should have comparable biceps, as well. I’m not looking for Happily Ever After right now, so might as well find Happily Letting You Bench-Press Me, instead.
XOXO

Umph. It’s time to get laid again.

Once upon a time, I slept with a guy who had biceps as thick as my thighs. I’ve decided that the next man I sleep with should have comparable biceps, as well. I’m not looking for Happily Ever After right now, so might as well find Happily Letting You Bench-Press Me, instead.

XOXO

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OH LAWDY. THAT CHEST HAIR.
BE GENTLE WITH ME.
XOXO

OH LAWDY. THAT CHEST HAIR.

BE GENTLE WITH ME.

XOXO

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Saw him; lost all control over my brain functions for the next five minutes, may have flat-lined, then came back to life with a vengeance and a large puddle of drool at my feet.
XOXO

Saw him; lost all control over my brain functions for the next five minutes, may have flat-lined, then came back to life with a vengeance and a large puddle of drool at my feet.

XOXO

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December 18, 2011


Annnnnnnnnd to balance out the seriousness/weightiness of that last post, I give you…
Future Husband Material.
XOXO

Annnnnnnnnd to balance out the seriousness/weightiness of that last post, I give you…

Future Husband Material.

XOXO

(Source: flashbangsilence)

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December 28, 2011


He could get it.
…You can obviously tell this guy is THE MAN, and, possibly, Ron Perlman’s more attractive Italian twin brother, separated at birth.
XOXO

He could get it.

…You can obviously tell this guy is THE MAN, and, possibly, Ron Perlman’s more attractive Italian twin brother, separated at birth.

XOXO

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Sex now, SEX NOW, sex now, SEX NOW, SEX NOW NOW NOW NOW NAOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
XOXO

Sex now, SEX NOW, sex now, SEX NOW, SEX NOW NOW NOW NOW NAOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

XOXO

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January 7, 2012


oneninefive-:

fffffuuuuuu. Please, get in my bed. Right meow.

Sex. Sex on a stick and those EYEBROWS! DO ME NOW, DOWNEY JR.!

XOXO

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January 8, 2012


I will dress like her if you look like this and drive that.
Hell, I’ll even throw in a lifetime worth of “You were right; I was wrong”s if you look like this and drive that.
Woah.
XOXO

I will dress like her if you look like this and drive that.

Hell, I’ll even throw in a lifetime worth of “You were right; I was wrong”s if you look like this and drive that.

Woah.

XOXO

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