The Oddest Thing She's Ever Said

Why Hard-Ass Men With Soft Sides Rock My World:

1.) You know how when you’re sleeping with someone, if they roll over or make a dramatic shift during the night, you kind of wake up halfway, just because the bed moves or you have to stop leaning against them or something? While The Dude was living with me, one night, he and his restless leg syndrome decided to move from the edge of the bed to the middle, pulling me up into semi-consciousness, and just before I drifted back off to sleep, I felt him press a kiss to my forehead. I think I managed to think, “Adorable,” right before I fell back to sleep and dreams about working with Steve Carell at McDonald’s.

2.) One of my lovely coworkers so kindly passed on a killer cold to me about three weeks ago, which I’m finally getting over, albeit with a nose that still runs like a faucet. Sharing the love, I passed it on to my mom and The Dude, who now both look and sound like utter shit. Today he met me at the mall during my break so we could run some errands and grab a bite to eat (me) and some cigarettes (him) together. After he walked me back to the store and we were saying goodbye, he looked down at me and said, “I’d really like to kiss you goodbye, but I don’t want to keep swapping this cold back and forth,” and then leaned down, kissed my cheek, and nuzzled me.

Died. Right there. Right in front of all my coworkers with a stupid grin on my face. The teasing I endured for the next two hours was totally worth it, though.

XOXO

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You know that feeling that you get in your stomach, that little hitch and then drop— the one that feels like you left it somewhere fifty or so feet behind you— that you get every time you kiss someone you just started seeing?

Yup.

There was this moment today that by all rights and purposes should have been awkward when he leaned over across the car’s center console, and I thought he was going in for a kiss on the cheek, like yesterday, but then at the very last second caught his glance down at my lips, realized where his were going to land, and managed to turn the hand that had previously been destined to go over his back for a hug to sweetly cup his face and…

Butterflies. Clouds and clouds and thousands of butterflies.

XOXO

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Nearly the best thing I’ve ever head:

“Hey, babe, I know you’re really thin and all, but I still can’t quite see through you.” -The Dude, while I was standing between him and the TV screen.

There are times I would rather kiss him than slap him. Few and far between, but still.

XOXO

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The Smartest Date.

I said, “Let’s meet in the bookstore’s cafe.”

He said, “Sure.”

I warned him I’m perpetually late to life.

He was halfway through his coffee by the time I arrived, 15 minutes late.

I recognized him straight-away and could think nothing other than, “People always say that dating website’s photos lie. They do. He is even more attractive than in his photos. DAMN.”

He stood up in a plaid flannel shirt, an L.L. Ben-esque outdoors-man vest, and hiking boots when he saw me tottering up the stairs in 5-inch leopard print pumps. He sat down again after I did. He looked like someone straight out of a Ralph Lauren, All-American ad campaign.

I got nervous and talked too much. We discussed traveling and Game of Thrones and college and wine.

He asked me if I would mind if he checked his phone because it had been vibrating in his pocket, even though he knew it was so rude.

I was shocked. “Are you asking me if you can check your own phone?” I asked him. “Of course you can check your phone.”

“Yeah,” he said. “I know it’s like, really bad form on a date, but my dad’s traveling.” He tucked it back into his pocket.

I was still in shock a man had asked me if he could check his phone, in the first place. 

He talked start-ups and politics and business. 

I made some intelligent noises back and thought if Gerard Butler and Elijah Wood had a love-child, it would be him. That stubble. Those eyes. That HAIR. Those EYELASHES.

He started crushing his empty paper coffee cup between his hands. 

I stood up and asked him if he wanted to follow me into the bookstore and play a game. “Your mission, should you choose to accept it,” I told him, “is to find your favorite book that you think I should read. I’ll do the same, and meet you back here in 5 minutes.”

He pulled down “The Alchemist.” 

I brought him “Desert Solitaire” after deciding the night before it was either that, or “The Alchemist.”

We laughed.

“If your life up to this point was a book title,” I asked him, “what would it be?”

He held up “So Brave, Young, and Handsome.”

I showed him “Great Expectations.”

We laughed some more, and continued playing the game for another hour.

He pointed at Ayn Rand’s “The Fountainhead” and said it was the book he’s read that he regretted reading the most. “If this date had gone badly, that’s the book I would have suggested for you.”

I slipped off my heels and sat on a step-stool.

“Ah, so that’s how tall you really are,” he said, sitting cross-legged on the floor like it ain’t no thang. Five years older than I was, and sitting on the floor like an overgrown schoolboy for story time.

I bought “Even Cowgirls Get The Blues,” which he had recommended after “The Alchemist.”

He bought “Desert Solitaire,” and walked me to my car after four-and-a-half hours together.

I told him not to look at the mess in the backseat and felt very accomplished and grown-up when I gave him my business card. “All my contact information is on there,” I told him. “So this way we don’t have to scramble to do the phone thing.”

“I sent you my phone number this afternoon in a message,” he admitted, and then hugged me. “I’m really glad we did this. Next week?”

I slipped my heels off in the car and pulled on my Uggs before flicking my lights on and slipping the gearshift into reverse and realizing he had been sitting in his car, waiting to make sure I started up fine.

XOXO

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So, I know a lot of you are ravenous for more about the man with the brilliant green eyes, and I know I haven’t been very forth-coming lately with more news. I’m sorry. This is what happens when you live roughly 2,000 miles away from each other and aren’t big phone people. The long and short of it is, I know I’ll be out there in less than a month now, so I’m not pressing my luck by trying to be constantly in-touch NOW. So, basically, I can sum up my interaction with him in the last week with a photo I sent him from the top of a mountain hike, and then a hilarious GIF I found and thought he’d also get a kick out of. Neither of which got a return response. Just kind of “thought of you!” things.

…This is not the stuff of “Atonement,” guys. I’m sorry if I’m disappointing you.

However, yesterday started with a completely unexpected return “beautiful scenery” photo of where he was, and culminated in me firing back a sunset-lit photo from the top of another mountain. (I hike a lot. There are worse things in life to be addicted to.) This morning started with a response to that, and now is when you can clutch your hankies and get your fainting chaises ready, ladies.

“You have an amazing silhouette, my dear. Always nice to get a pretty-lady-gram. Instead, I’m stuck with a bunch of sweaty carpenters and wood. So I was thinking you should stay out here a few extra days after your family leaves.”

(I’m sorry…are you asking me to stay over? For a few days? Please make my reservation for the International Traveler’s House Of Multi-Talented Men now.)

“Other than some bonding time with my grandmother I’m not willing to give up since we both share a love of classic Batman episodes, I have free reign while I’m out there, so I figure I’m all yours for a few days. If you’ll have me, of course.”

“I’ll have you every way I can think of.”

“Is that a promise?”

“Sure is. I can’t wait.”

Fuck “Fifty Shades of Grey” and that amateur seduction scenario. Ass-over-teakettle for him. Fireworks, guys, FIREWORKS.

XOXO

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FOUR DAYS.

Ape-shit crazy about an absolute dreamboat. I mean, what sort of man says, “See your family first, then come up to me when you’re ready— I have an extra car if you need to go back and forth”? The best man, that’s who.

Dream.boat.

XOXO

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