I'm the book that beat the speed-reader, and I'm the card the dealers won't touch. And it's just not true I'm a man-eater; all the same, we should probably go dutch.
The things you pick up as you go.
What can we learn from this?
#1: Be proactive. If it ain’t goin’ down, LET HIM KNOW that it ain’t goin’ down. It’s only fair; it’s only polite; wouldn’t you want him to know sex isn’t int he cards before you make a fool of yourself? Extend the same courtesy. As he says, there is nothing wrong with a woman saying no to sex…before sex is literally on the table. Once you let things get to that point and then renege on it…that’s when you’re a tease, and not in the hot way.
#2: To steal from “He’s Just Not That Into You,” like he says, you are not the exception. If he’s done it before, chances are, he’s gonna try to do it with YOU. If you let him, it’s your funeral. Only if you stop him and get yourselves on the same page real quick is when he’s going to start thinking about you differently than those other 101 girls, because you’ve made him see you differently. Lately, I’ve been hearing from more and more men that strong, independent girls who speak their mind and aren’t afraid to sass back are the type of girls they’re into. This explains why my friend Julia, who was voted “Most Likely To Marry A Rockstar” in her high school yearbook, does so well with me. (She’s a reigning Champlain LikeALittle queen.) She never lets herself by lumped in with the rest of the pack. If all the girls are leaning left, she’s leaning right. Guys go crazy over her. Emulate. Stop being the meek, “doesn’t rock the boat” girl, and being all surprised when you’re not getting what you wanted out of a relationship. Lay it all out there. He’ll respect you more for it. And sass is hot. I mean, just look at that word. It’s already got “ass” in it. Of course it’s awesome.
#3: Thou shalt put in as much work as he is. "Everything was cool— talk on the phone everyday; she would stop in to see me, I’d go past to see her…" The amount that you put into a relationship is proportional with how into it he thinks you are. And vice-versa, for that matter. If you want him to know you’re genuinely interested, stop doing the aloof woman shit, and be the one to ask to make a date or see each other. That’s when he gets that you’re feeling him— NOT when you wait three hours to respond to his text because your friend Amy told you that you don’t want to appear too over-eager. Be smart, like I know all you girls are— use your judgement about when is a good time to play the game, and when it’s not.
#4: If he’s paying for your meal, chances are, unless he is a very platonic friend, or the nicest and most generous man in the world with a disposable income, he’s gonna want to see something for his Benjamin’s. This is no secret or surprise. There are differences between a man paying for your Junior Whopper or paying for your crab leg dinner. One means peaceful co-existing while eating together. The other means “I’m taking this out in sweat from you later.” Think about it this way: How many of your male friends, who you’ve known for years, and consider like the brothers you’ve never had, have paid for a meal of yours? None of very few? That’s right— that’s date territory. And while I’ll have my boys over for dinner, or they’ll make me spaghetti and homemade meatballs in their humble abode, it’s not like they’re taking me out to Leunig’s downtown for a slice of banana cream pie…and a steak. So, unless you want to sleep with him, or unless you’re very, very hungry and very, very poor and don’t mind being very, very rude— don’t accept a dinner invitation out with him to somewhere where entrées are over $20.
#5: The ears are the sweet-spot. AMEN. Ears are very dangerous things to play around with. DO NOT go for the ears unless you’re ready for the consequences. Men, women, dogs…I don’t care what gender or even species you are…the ears are where it’s AT. Earlobes are packed full with nerves and are an erogenous zone, don’tcha know? So don’t go near my ears unless you want to be having buckwild sex in about .02 seconds, and I won’t go near a man’s ears unless I want the same. Let’s all make a pact right now— keep your mouth off the ears, and no one will have any mixed signals or wishes that can’t or won’t be fulfilled, ok?